resilience

My wife and I have been married for 17 years. I am the a$$hole in the relationship - the one who has been verbally abusive and selfish sexually and really missed the boat on how to be a great husband. (Enough of the time at least for that to be the lasting impression.) I am also romantic and passionate and believe my gifts and love notes and sexual attention and commitment have to count for something. For almost a year my wife has been telling me that she will go somewhere else to get love and that our relationship is ending for her at least. I only started taking her and the loss of our marriage seriously in January when she asked me to find another place to live. It was like electro-shock therapy. Suddenly my world was clear --a fog I had been living in was gone and the only thing that mattered to me was fixing our marriage. I started a journal and got control of my verbal outbursts. I started buying roses long before Valentine's day and for that day bought a fancy scented candle, some very expensive face cream she loves, two dozen roses and lilies, chocolates, and made sure the kids, her, and I all had dinner at a nice restaurant. I also made her a gift of a cartoon she loves where she is a woodland creature and I care for her.