| | Re: How to not be controlling
This was a big issue in our marriage also. More than likely you don’t even realize you are being controlling. I didn’t. Controlling comes in different intensities. From complete freaks who micromanage every aspect of their spouse’s life to some one who simply doesn’t listen properly to their spouse and continues on their merry way doing what they think best. Some times the offended spouse will become oversensitive to this and sees everything as controlling. The best way to approach this in my opinion is to use empathy. Be as open and as honest with yourself as possible as ask how she might see your next decision. When she does accuse you of a controlling action ask her why she sees it that way. Don’t argue, it won’t do any good that’s how she perceives it. Ask her how you could have done a better job. If she offers what she would have done in this last incident look at her solution positively and comment her on it if possible. Be consistent in these actions and give it time. She has blinders on and it will take time for her to see and understand the changes. While you now control the finances would it be a good idea for you to invite her to look at the budget, retirement, next major purchase with you? Giving her some sense of input will go a long way. And she may very well bring a perspective to it you hadn’t thought about.
Confidence – Love – Patience – Faith Are the tools to help heal a marriage.
"Some of the greatest lessons life has taught me came from my darkest days in it" -Amp