Talk About Marriage - View Single Post

sisters359 · 02-22-2011, 07:40 PM

She has been involved a lot longer, as others say. I'm so sorry you are finding out all this now. You need to accept that she has been cheating on you if you want to heal and move forward.

If you want to work on the marriage, start counseling and ask your wife to join you. Get individual counseling too; you have a long road ahead. Remember that just b/c the other couple is filing for divorce, it does not mean that divorce will happen. Your wife may find herself out in the cold. If, during the time that drama plays out, you are making yourself a better person, figuring out how you may have contributed to the break-down of the marriage that she then chose to disrespect by cheating, and working on yourself, you may be in a position to re-connect with her, or to make the decision that you deserve better. Either way, YOU will be happier. Keep the kids at the center--that means no blaming her in front of them, no fighting in front of them. Expect 50/50 custody and insist on it from day 1. It will take time for everything to unfold, so if you aren't used to taking great care of yourself--through exercise, time with friends, doing things you really enjoy on your own and with your kids, start now. Shape a life that is full without her, and if you find a way to repair the marriage, great; if not, you and your children will be fine. They need you to rise above the ugliness and take the high road, as hard as that will be. For their sakes, do it. You will never regret that b/c they will learn from your example to be stronger, better people too. You may not see that for years, but you will be so proud when you do. Good luck.

02-22-2011, 07:40 PM	#6 (permalink)
sisters359 Member Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: SE Wisconsin Posts: 2,470	Re: i thought i was a good guy She has been involved a lot longer, as others say. I'm so sorry you are finding out all this now. You need to accept that she has been cheating on you if you want to heal and move forward. If you want to work on the marriage, start counseling and ask your wife to join you. Get individual counseling too; you have a long road ahead. Remember that just b/c the other couple is filing for divorce, it does not mean that divorce will happen. Your wife may find herself out in the cold. If, during the time that drama plays out, you are making yourself a better person, figuring out how you may have contributed to the break-down of the marriage that she then chose to disrespect by cheating, and working on yourself, you may be in a position to re-connect with her, or to make the decision that you deserve better. Either way, YOU will be happier. Keep the kids at the center--that means no blaming her in front of them, no fighting in front of them. Expect 50/50 custody and insist on it from day 1. It will take time for everything to unfold, so if you aren't used to taking great care of yourself--through exercise, time with friends, doing things you really enjoy on your own and with your kids, start now. Shape a life that is full without her, and if you find a way to repair the marriage, great; if not, you and your children will be fine. They need you to rise above the ugliness and take the high road, as hard as that will be. For their sakes, do it. You will never regret that b/c they will learn from your example to be stronger, better people too. You may not see that for years, but you will be so proud when you do. Good luck.