Patty Newbold

Glad to help, Gwen.

His "get over it" definitely won't help for most disagreements, but neither will compromise. What is compromise but the agreement to accept less while insuring the person you love most in the world also suffers?

I'm a very big fan of finding third alternatives, the answers we find that give us BOTH what we liked about our initial ideas and none of what we fear about each other's proposal.

To find them, you have to jump the net, get on the same side, ask what your partner likes and doesn't like about the two options, so you can find a way to offer him everything he wants without denying yourself. Lots of issues that look like either-or choices turn out not to be, once we look more closely at what different aspects of the options we're paying attention to.

As for what he should or shouldn't feel, feelings don't follow any logic. We can all feel unhappy (or worried) about the consequences of our choices, even when we know for certain we wouldn't choose any differently if we could get a do-over.