voivod

sprite,
this is such a sad story, for him as well as you. the other man is a problem, and you know that. he says he understands, you believe him. but you've not lived with him for 20 years. who's to say what your attitude would be of him 20 years in.

i see that your husband hasn't had much problem making adjustments in himself when he knows what the problems are. he has always been able to let go of material things for you. because he's a guy. he can quantify "things." feelings are a different story maybe.

you, it seems, have some of those "walls" that you've seen described here. when you walk by him in the hallway, do you automatically have contempt for whatever verbal encounter you're about to have with him. in other words, do you become a self-fulfilling prophet to your feeling of "smothered" or anything else?

back to the other guy. it is an EA best i can tell. that relationship has stolen positive energy from you when you could have used it. it might have become an excuse for not giving credit where credit was due in regard to your husband's effort to cure the problems. i'm sure he's a great guy who completely understands you. we all do when we think there's something in it for us. and i don't mean sex necessarily. maybe you are fulfilling some of his emotional need too.

you wanted to go to school. your husband wouldn't "let you." you have deserved resentment for that. the race car. took away from holidays and family times. you resent that. what other realistic resentments do you have. make a list. some things you can't change. they have passed. but the things he can change. will he? sounds like the answer is he will try. always has before. so....

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separated, honoring wife and family daily, she deserves the best me i can give her.


4 kids g18, g12, g11, b7