Talk About Marriage - View Single Post

libra23 · 11-20-2007, 10:00 AM

we had a host of issues in our marriage and yes I was unhappy. miserable in fact. but our major issue was communication. there were a lot of things he/we did that made me unhappy that in most cases i just went along with cuz I loved him so much. i always gave in. i can make a long list of things he did wrong...but i honestly feel as though it was as much my fault as his. i should have let him know I was unhappy before i let it make me miserable and make me start withdrawing from our marriage. we were so close and i loved him so much. i think my main issue right now is simply forgiving myself? when i think of being intimate...i think of the guy i dated while we were seperated. and i can picture being intimate with him...yet not my husband? my husband and i had a slew of intimacy issues...he loved porn and i ended up deciding that i'd rather we explore that together. so we did...but then he wanted to use it everytime we were together. so much so that it was like we needed it...or at least i began to think we did. and he always assured me that i liked it and he was doing it for me. i should have said no lets not watch this, i don't really enjoy it. then we really started having problems, we went on a trip and he made being intimate the sole focus of the trip. all he talked about...and pressed the issue when we were in bed. which just left me feeling dirty and disgusted. he has anger problems...really short tempered and i would end up doing whatever i could to avoid that rage coming out in him. not that he ever physcially harmed me...ever. but would definitely punch holes in the wall...break things.

most of all i am dealing with forgiving myself i think. i left the guy i was seeing as i felt incredibly guilty. i was seeing someone esle without being truely divorced from my husband. so essentially, i cheated on my husband. i remember not wanting his forgiveness. but he forgave me before it even happened. my husbands entire happiness seems to be dependent on me. and i can't do that. i know i need to be happy with myself first...that no one can make me happy. but how? i don't know how to be happy anymore. i just sometimes feel like i need a fresh start? Can i start fresh with him? Do i want too?

11-20-2007, 10:00 AM	#3 (permalink)
libra23 Registered User Join Date: Nov 2007 Posts: 8	Re: what to do? we had a host of issues in our marriage and yes I was unhappy. miserable in fact. but our major issue was communication. there were a lot of things he/we did that made me unhappy that in most cases i just went along with cuz I loved him so much. i always gave in. i can make a long list of things he did wrong...but i honestly feel as though it was as much my fault as his. i should have let him know I was unhappy before i let it make me miserable and make me start withdrawing from our marriage. we were so close and i loved him so much. i think my main issue right now is simply forgiving myself? when i think of being intimate...i think of the guy i dated while we were seperated. and i can picture being intimate with him...yet not my husband? my husband and i had a slew of intimacy issues...he loved porn and i ended up deciding that i'd rather we explore that together. so we did...but then he wanted to use it everytime we were together. so much so that it was like we needed it...or at least i began to think we did. and he always assured me that i liked it and he was doing it for me. i should have said no lets not watch this, i don't really enjoy it. then we really started having problems, we went on a trip and he made being intimate the sole focus of the trip. all he talked about...and pressed the issue when we were in bed. which just left me feeling dirty and disgusted. he has anger problems...really short tempered and i would end up doing whatever i could to avoid that rage coming out in him. not that he ever physcially harmed me...ever. but would definitely punch holes in the wall...break things. most of all i am dealing with forgiving myself i think. i left the guy i was seeing as i felt incredibly guilty. i was seeing someone esle without being truely divorced from my husband. so essentially, i cheated on my husband. i remember not wanting his forgiveness. but he forgave me before it even happened. my husbands entire happiness seems to be dependent on me. and i can't do that. i know i need to be happy with myself first...that no one can make me happy. but how? i don't know how to be happy anymore. i just sometimes feel like i need a fresh start? Can i start fresh with him? Do i want too?