Talk About Marriage - View Single Post - Feeling anxious and jealous of my wifes male friend

tobio · 03-04-2011, 08:04 AM

Is it the guy in question you have uneasy feelings about? Or would you feel the same about her having a friendship with ANY guy?

I can tell you my particular situation. Most of my close friends are guys. I meet up with them at different times, both on my own and with OH. My best friend is a guy. I often go round to his house for a cuppa and a chat, sometimes his wife is there and sometimes not. I knew him before getting together with OH, and if OH ever said he felt uncomfortable, I would listen and take time to understand, but I would not let my OH dictate whether or not I am allowed to be friends with someone, or if I'm allowed to be friends with guys.

That line guys say to women about "I trust you... It's HIM I don't trust..." That is one of the most patronising things I've ever had said to me (not from my OH.) Please don't ever reel that one out!

I also have a good friend whom I have kissed when we first met years ago. Things never went beyond that and we are now good platonic friends. OH has questioned me in passing but never made a big deal of it; I have brought said friend out with us on occasion so he could get to know OH as well.

Why not suggest all going out together? Before you go saying anything else, take some time. I'm not of course saying it's beyond the realm of possibility that there may be more to it, but there is also the possibility that it is innocent and you could be intervening in a friendship where it isn't warranted. You could get to know him and see them together and take it from there.

03-04-2011, 08:04 AM	#11 (permalink)
tobio Member Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: UK Posts: 778	Re: Feeling anxious and jealous of my wifes male friend Is it the guy in question you have uneasy feelings about? Or would you feel the same about her having a friendship with ANY guy? I can tell you my particular situation. Most of my close friends are guys. I meet up with them at different times, both on my own and with OH. My best friend is a guy. I often go round to his house for a cuppa and a chat, sometimes his wife is there and sometimes not. I knew him before getting together with OH, and if OH ever said he felt uncomfortable, I would listen and take time to understand, but I would not let my OH dictate whether or not I am allowed to be friends with someone, or if I'm allowed to be friends with guys. That line guys say to women about "I trust you... It's HIM I don't trust..." That is one of the most patronising things I've ever had said to me (not from my OH.) Please don't ever reel that one out! I also have a good friend whom I have kissed when we first met years ago. Things never went beyond that and we are now good platonic friends. OH has questioned me in passing but never made a big deal of it; I have brought said friend out with us on occasion so he could get to know OH as well. Why not suggest all going out together? Before you go saying anything else, take some time. I'm not of course saying it's beyond the realm of possibility that there may be more to it, but there is also the possibility that it is innocent and you could be intervening in a friendship where it isn't warranted. You could get to know him and see them together and take it from there.