paramore

Ok, saw him in the van on the way into town, had to keep my fury under control while I ran errands. I am DEFINITELY in the anger stage, luckily my mom listened to me vent, and unfortunately when I am that angry, I cry. First time in almost 2 days. I was saying all sorts of How dare he statements. I looked at anytime minutes used in last 24 hours, not sure till I can see the call logs, but pretty sure they were mostly if not all her, and on the day of our appt too. I swear if he's talking to her about our counseling session, that's bullsh*t. I realize it's gonna get worse before it gets better, (if it does) but GRRRRR!!!!! After my rant, I am better now, but I wish he was here right now in front of me so I could scream at him.

I wish I could put a plug in him so he could feel all of my pain, maybe he'd gain some perspective. He's so stoic it's hard to honestly tell if he's feeling anything. Our sons birthday is on Monday, and I believe he's gonna come over for cake and ice cream. I don't even want him here, I am afraid if I see him, I am gonna unload on him. I can control my fury fairly well, but I don't want to, (I will though.) Why do I have to be the one to take the high road???? How dare he go about life like it's all normal. I am here with his kids while he sits at his sisters, laughing and joking, and getting his ego stroked by that ******. I had better stop before my temper starts boiling over lol.