paramore

Ok, something really hit me this morning, I was doing some real thinking. After it all hit the fan, really me talking to the man after it all went down is in theory the same thing as my husbands EA. While we didn't cross the line into I love you like they did, I needed someone to listen to me. I didn't realize in the midst of emotion and turmoil that it bothered him. I had asked him at one point at time do you want me to stop talking to him? He said I don't care do what you wanna do, I wanted him to say yes. It took some time and courage, as I didn't want to hurt feelings, I finally had told him no more contact. Really, my husband followed the same pattern, his just crossed that line. I really have no right to come down on him the way I did, when not realizing it, I did the exact same thing. Now the guilt is really setting in, how much it must have hurt him me talking to the man. Again, I was just as guilty then of adding to the problem, as he is now. My God I have been such an idiot. No wonder my husband doesn't know what to do. I am supposed to be his comfort, his safe place, and I have violated that so badly. I am crying as I type this, my guilt is so great it's just overwhelming right now. I pray he can find it in his heart to forgive and trust me again. I love him so much. I feel like such a piece of trash right now. How dare I come down on him so hard, when I am just as in the wrong. All I can do is put a little trust in him to start doing the right thing, as he needs to do with me.