Miamod

So many questions, so few answers - at least to start out with. Draconis, I had been visiting this forum for quite a while as a guest before joining, trying to learn more about relationships, etc. and your insights and attitudes are commendable. I really admire that you don't necessarily jump to conclusions - you seem to be able to look at situations from every point of view and yet you remain mostly positive in your responses. I am learning a great deal, not only from yourself, but from the others who kindly offer up their advice and wisdom.

If only life were so simple and people so easy to understand! Dating can be one of the most intimidating experiences that someone, such as myself, will ever have to face. I had been separated for about a year when I started dating (about 8 months ago). I had a difficult enough time just summoning up the courage to go out on that first date, never mind thinking about asking my date what his religious beliefs, sexual preferences, etc. were!

Does one really get to know their partner when they are dating? I really don't think so, except perhaps in very rare cases. I honestly think that we get to see only a glimmer of the real person during this time. If however, the relationship continues to develop over an extended period of time, it is then that I think we start to see who this person really is, start to understand their core values, beliefs, morals, etc. It has been my experience (through my own relationships, through my work) that it is too easy for a lot of people to "fake" who they truly are in order to get what they want. When their ultimate goal is reached, whether it be sex, money, prestige, etc., their true self finally emerges. Does this sound too jaded? I'm not trying to imply that the world is full of phonies and that no one should be trusted. I am just saying that sometimes one needs to be in a long-term relationship in order to really get to know a person's true self, whether it be good or bad.

Just my 2 cents......