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Seriously..

59K views 1K replies 30 participants last post by  Freak On a Leash 
#1 · (Edited)
It's going to be four months this Sunday since my husband walked out. Most of you know what's been going on, he's talking about getting a house share miles away from us, he seems to be moving further & further from me, I miss him so much, today, I'm not coping that well today, I feel like he's so detached, that he feels nothing, yet, I cant turn off my feelings, I'm sat here crying, wishing he'd just call me, tell me he's made a mistake, he does want to be with me...

I started a serious no contact routine a couple of days ago, reviewing the 180 list, but seriously, what are the chances of him missing me? I keep seeing peoples posts where they have little glimmers of home, yet my H, is saying us spending time together is not a good idea....yet he texts me & asks how I'm feeling.. is that coz he feels obligated?.. he said he can't see his feelings ever changing... yet a few days before he was saying he wanted to see how we went... I mean should I carry on with no contact (everyone says too) or be nice, talk to him... how long has your separation lasted? I want him home more than anything, I just want a chance, but I'm not begging.

Please someone give me advice, some hope, right now.. I feel like I do need him, he always said he fit me like a glove, he'd wrap his arms around me & Id feel so safe. I'm scared.
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#614 ·
OK i'm starting to envy you all. Honestly I want out tomorrow with somebody that will like me enough to want to spend time with me.My H. doesn't give a s*it too much what I'm doing here,he's not in a hurry to take me out or to spend time with me :(.
All I want is to pour my heart out to him (not to argue) ,to hug him kiss him and all he wants to do is talk about this stupid boat that he liked...I had to listen to that for 30 min and pretend it makes me happy.
I'm excited he want's to do all this with us BUT i'm hurting .I hate that I can't tell him over the phone that I miss him and Love him.Seems like he is not on that page at all.

AmI ...have a blast tomm,i'm excited for you.
Freak..you too girl. BTW i really would like to put a face to that jeep, now that i know how the rest of the group looks like.... Not pushy ...only if you have a spare picture laying around. ;)
 
#616 ·
OK i'm starting to envy you all. Honestly I want out tomorrow with somebody that will like me enough to want to spend time with me.
damn I sometimes hate living on the other side of the world to you people!

My H. doesn't give a s*it too much what I'm doing here,he's not in a hurry to take me out or to spend time with me :(.
All I want is to pour my heart out to him (not to argue) ,to hug him kiss him and all he wants to do is talk about this stupid boat that he liked...I had to listen to that for 30 min and pretend it makes me happy.
After you have a physic test done on him, take him to an optometrist !

I'm excited he want's to do all this with us BUT i'm hurting .I hate that I can't tell him over the phone that I miss him and Love him.Seems like he is not on that page at all.
:(

AmI ...have a blast tomm,i'm excited for you.
Freak..you too girl. BTW i really would like to put a face to that jeep, now that i know how the rest of the group looks like.... Not pushy ...only if you have a spare picture laying around. ;)
For sure, I would love to see the real Freak :)
 
#621 ·
I'll find something..Hmmmm..

Pics, pics, pics..:scratchhead: Guess I'll have to have my daughter take some. She's good at that.
 
#622 ·
less talk, more action (g.d.r) :)

V8 Supercar racing on at the moment, might have to sit and watch that for a while :)
 
#623 ·
I just went and looked through BOTH computers for pics. THEN went though all my discs..no pics of myself. I'm serious.

I'll have my daughter take some.

Supercar racing? What is that? I used to run my Mustang and Miata on alot of the big NASCAR tracks so it's fun to watch racing on those tracks..

"Oh, I remember Turn 3 at Charlotte, I crashed into the tire wall there..that air bag sure made a LOUD noise when it went off!"

"I remember the Diving Turn at Lime Rock ,that's where my muffler fell off"

"Oh yeah, the straightaway before the tunnel at Pocono, that's where that roll of paper towels I forgot to remove from the back seat blew out the back at 145 mph..what a racket THAT made! :rofl:"

"Oh yeah, that was the South Course at Pocono...that's where my power steering rack blew fluid all over the track, the guy behind me sure was PISSED when that happened! :eek:"

Those were the days..:rofl:
 
#625 ·
So these cars have V8s..they look like from the factory they have smaller OHC engines but they put in V8s? :scratchhead: Sounds a lot like NASCAR.

In NASCAR the bodies of the car look the same and they have to built a CERTAIN way. Last time I checked, that was a pushrod V8 engine even if it comes with a smaller OHC multi valve engine from the factory. Pretty amusing actually.

My 5.0 Mustang was actually closer to a Winston Cup stock car than the factory cars they were patterned after. I was at a show once and there was a Monte Carlo parked there and I got underneath and said "Yeah, looks JUST like my Stang!" ..Torque Arm, panhard bars, coil overs...PLUS it had a 351 pushrod Windsor..

I've been OUT of that game for about 10 years. I know they allow Toyotas in Winston Cup now (it's not even called Winston Cup anymore!)..so I guess who knows what else has changed! :scratchhead:

If I had money I'd buy another Miata and go into what's called "Spec Miata". You buy a Miata and build it to certain specs that's mandated by Mazda and race the car. They are all the same..it's the nut behind the wheel that determines who does best. It's considered an relatively "affordable" way to race as an amateur. My Miata wasn't as fast as my Stang but it was BY FAR the most fun and best all around sports car I'd ever driven.

Or Vintage racing. That is SO cool! I used to love going to see the old style race cars run. I had a good friend who was on the board of the Shelby American Auto Club. He got me into road racing. I used to attend the annual Shelby American convention and see vintage Shelbys and Cobras run on the track. I did tech inspection and got free track time too! :smthumbup:

Did I ever tell you my daughter's name? It's Shelby. My son's name is Harley. :D
 
#630 ·
So these cars have V8s..they look like from the factory they have smaller OHC engines but they put in V8s? :scratchhead: Sounds a lot like NASCAR.
these cars come from the factory with V8, they are basically of the factory floor, strip it, roll cage it, race it (ok, bit more involved, but you get the idea !)

Did I ever tell you my daughter's name? It's Shelby. My son's name is Harley. :D
why am I not surprised :)
 
#626 ·
I love how this thread has taken yet another turn! Hahah we are 'awesome' :D

WELLLLLLLL today is gonna be a hard day, H is coming to take the kids out and whilst he is out with them (which I still struggle with tbh :() I am going to preparing for my 'date' god that sounds weird :(

I don't know how I am going to do this to be honest.... I wish it was my H, driving 3 hours to take me out :(
 
#627 · (Edited)
Well, when you drop the kids off tell him to have a nice day (that's IT!!) and then go and have fun on your date, have a few drinks, relax, engage in conversation and DO NOT call, text or go on facebook with your husband!

That's an order! ;)

I guess you are up now? It's Saturday on your side of the world? Here it is too but it's 3:30 am. It's nice to be able to stay up as late as I want! For most of the night I had the apartment to myself and I'm going to go upstairs to my daughter's bedroom and crash in my old king sized bed. It used to be mine but now my daughter sleeps in the master bedroom (my son is in the other one). I sleep downstairs on the nice futon in the living room.

But when she's not home I use her bedroom. I rather miss that big bed. It's really comfortable. I'm glad I insisted she take it. When she goes off to college I intend to reclaim it. :)

Then I'll get up tomorrow, do breakfast with my daughter after I pick her up from her friend's house and head down to my buddy's place. He has a Miata and is wondering if he can take off his quarter panel. I told him I'd have a look and in return he can check out the wiring for the blinker lights on the new fenders I plan to install on my Jeep.

Don't you just LOVE romantic relationships? :D :rofl:
 
#628 ·
Ok, today when my son told me my H called him and made arrangements to pick him up I considered at least texting him. I guess part of me had wished he called me too..believe it or not. :rolleyes:

THEN I thought about it some more....

I remembered all the Friday nights he ruined for me with his antics. How if and when I DID see him he ruined the night by at the very least being a complete bore or being moody, argumentative, etc, etc...Or started in on me about something I said or did in 1996..:slap:

Or he did something like demand that I take him home early when I was having a good time and thus trash my entire evening.

Or just wanted to sit outside in 30 degree weather while I watched him drink and smoke for 6 hours straight...

Or the times we went to bed together and basically acted bored or disinterested. Didn't kiss or talk or do much of anything..

So..I decided that it was a GOOD thing not to be getting calls from him. So I bought dinner and some wine and came home. And I've had a nice, relaxing, stress free evening as a result.

Ami, the next time you get the temptation to call him or text him, think about all the CRAP your husband has done and why you wouldn't WANT to see him.
And hopefully you'll decide otherwise. :)

Have a GREAT DAY!! Goodnight! Time for :sleeping:
 
#629 ·
Thanks Freak,

Its almost 8am here, H will be getting here in 1.5 hours, is going to do something with the kids and I've asked that he is back by 4pm.

He still isn't aware I am going out for the evening...

I don't know how to behave when I see him today I am actually more nervous of seeing my H than this 'date' because I know I will be myself, whereas around my H I feel like I am treading on egg shells.

I AM SINGLE DAMMIT!!! H sent me a fb msg last night saying...

Thats song hurt...It just made me think that things could have been different maybe but we're too far along for all that.

So it's all just mind games. I need to stop thinking about him!

I need to go out, let my hair down, have a few drinks, a bite to eat and enjoy the company of a 'normal' man.. (if such things exist lol)

It could well and truly screw up things with the H, but hey, he's already done that hasn't he? I mean i've been trying to 'fix' things for the last 4.5months, he's not interested.. I was going to give it until 27th April.. (6months) I think I need to be finding a solicitor now to be honest.. :(
 
#631 ·
I think I need to be finding a solicitor now to be honest.. :(
wouldn't hurt, you dont have to actually do anything, but at least you will know where you stand legally.

xx
 
#635 ·
I have been following your story too and its scary to think that its over. I spent 2 months crying not understanding what was going on until the mistress appeared. Now slowly I am getting used to being on my own with the kids and like my councillor said to me" learn to live with yourself not live on your own". I have contacted a solicitor which I will see next week but they are expensive......will let you know what he says. Its hard to make that move but give yourself time to adjust. Be nice to yourself you deserve it!!
 
#639 ·
Ok people, well he saw the kids, had a great time by all accounts, ( didn't go) he left and we all cried :(

Now the clock is ticking.. and I my friend will be here in half hour.. I am in a dress! I smell lovely, and I have subtle make up.. but I feel like poo... now where's the vodka!?
 
#643 ·
It's better that you didn't go. That's just the thing you DO NOT want to do. Great self control and good going!

:smthumbup: Now you go out and have a great time and knock 'em dead girlfriend! :)

Don't drink too much and i hope you don't talk too much about the H....

Well, whatever. I'm not sure about what's going on with my day. My buddy has a friend who recently had a tragic lost with her grandson and asked to have breakfast with him. He told me he would be doing this and would call me. Haven't heard from him and it's 3pm so it looks like the tentative plans we had to do a hike and lunch are out.

I left him a message and said I'd be into dinner. He's recently started a new job that has him starting work at 4:30 am so I'm wondering if he'll be into a late night. If not I guess some other time. Kinda wanted to have a nice time chatting with him. He's a cool guy and we get on so well.

I'll probably see him next week because it's Paddlesport (BIG kayaking show that everyone goes to).

My daughter got blown off by her friend and has no plans I offered to take her to dinner if I don't go out and she said "Oh mom, we do that all the time!" Geez...:(

I'd invite to go see this cool band I'm thinking of heading out to see later but there's this problem with her being under 21. I do need to find some drinking buddies that can appreciate my taste in music. That's REALLY hard to find at my age and one thing I really do miss about my husband.

Oh well. If I have to spend the night playing World of Warcraft so be it. I'll save money. Not every weekend has to be Party Central. That is one thing my H was right about me..I have this constant desire to constantly be DOING something that requires going and eating, dancing, etc. Sometimes it's fine to chill out too.

Anyway Ami, get back on here and tell us how it went! :)
 
#651 ·
I thow them up somewhere else then :)


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Relaxing in the recliner my sister gave me :)



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Cold shower, or weights :)



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Thanks Freak, getting some muscle tone back after the sudden weight loss :)
 
#645 ·
the longer you stay in this contact, the longer you prolong your agony. If you could only actually end ALL CONTACT--I mean ALL...ALL of it. Every single bit! No phone, no texts, no email, no facebook, no IM's, no letters, no NOTHING...you could start to recover! It breaks my heart to see you suffer day-in and day-out knowing that you are doing this to yourself.

Please, I implore you find a way to end ALL contact!!! You will probably need to find a friend who can take messages for you, because I guarantee once you really end contact he will try every trick possible to try to get you to contact him again--feigning depression, making up dramas or "emergencies", demanding, using the children...all kinds of tricks. That is because HE has issues that are his responsibility to work on and he won't face them.

But before All that can happen, you just absolutely HAVE TO break this dependence on him. Delete your facebook page and stop looking at his!!!! Change your cell phone number. Close your email and start a new one. Do whatever you have to do to stop yourself from hurting yourself like this over and over and over. Seriously, please stop.
Well, this looks like familiar advice! ;)

I agree that stopping ALL contact is the way to go. I haven't seen my husband in almost two weeks and except for our brief conversation last Sunday where he tried his stupid guilt trip on me I haven't talked to him in over a week and I can say that it's made me feel stronger and better than I ever have. There are days that I want to just shout "I am TRULY happy!"

But unfortunately AmImad is in the same situation as me. She has kids and is financially dependent on her H. She has to work out a balance between no contact (I'd call it low contact) and being emotionally distraught and involved with her H.

I agree that she's gotten a LOT better but things like Facebook are still her proverbial Achilles Heel and until she musters up the nerve to cut these things off she won't progress forward.

The less contact the better so if you can't have NO contact then you have to whittle down your points of contact to be as MINIMAL as possible and then you have to keep it purely objective and business like. No coy innuendos like "well, you don't want to see me" or discussions about lyrics in songs. NONE of that!

Plus, let him initiate contact with the kids. They are HIS kids too and if he wants to see them, then let him start it. Toss the ball in his court and make him scramble for it. In other words, don't bring the kids to him, don't let him in the door of the house..have the kids ready to go and let them out to greet him. And no doing such things as letting them get tucked into bed. I mean, that's just crazy to let him play "house". Talk about having your cake and eating it too!

HE left. HE walked out and abandoned a family. Now he has to live with the consequences. Don't make things easy for him! No play acting. If he wants to be a daddy then he has to start taking the steps for a true reconciliation..none of this BS "pretend" stuff. That's how I see it. I'm glad others agree because I was starting to wonder if I was the only crazy one. :D
 
#646 ·
I know it's hard to have no contact..I've been there myself...

I used to try and make it easy for my husband. I would drive my husband to my apartment to hang out with us, go to his place and sleep over. Bring my son to and from his apartment. I got nothing but grief and hassle. Then it occurred to me that I wanted none of his crap and he has to do it for himself.

Last weekend was a perfect example. I said "no more, you want to see your son then it's on you." So he blew off our son and NO ONE called him all weekend. When he called up whining about how no one cares about him he got an "Oh well, too bad".

THIS week he called my son and told him he was coming over to pick him up. By the time I got home from work my son was gone.

So it works. But I have to go over to his house tomorrow to get some of my stuff out of his house so I'm going to have to extremely careful about how I proceed with him. My plan is to go in, get my stuff, be polite and leave. If he starts his crap then I'll just say nothing or "I'd rather not discuss this."

I think..hope...I'm capable of this. :pray:
 
#654 ·
:smthumbup:Damn Crank..you be lookin' GOOD Mate! :D ;):ezpi_wink1:

You be a good lookin' guy! We'd make a great pair.

Yeah, I'll have to have my daughter take some pics of me.

My buddy called. He's all set to go out to dinner. He wants to find a place by the water so we can check out the "super" full moon. Of course TONIGHT it's supposed to be freezing..

So now I have to go and get myself all dolled up! See ya'll later! :toast:
 
#655 ·
:smthumbup:Damn Crank..you be lookin' GOOD Mate! :D ;):ezpi_wink1:

You be a good lookin' guy! We'd make a great pair.
:eek: , not use to compliments about my looks, thanks

Yeah, I'll have to have my daughter take some pics of me.
Sounds like a good plan to me (and I am not telling you who took those pics)

My buddy called. He's all set to go out to dinner. He wants to find a place by the water so we can check out the "super" full moon. Of course TONIGHT it's supposed to be freezing..
Brilliant, full moon, stars in the sky, nothing more beautiful in nature, even if it is freezing cold !

So now I have to go and get myself all dolled up! See ya'll later! :toast:
have a great time lady ;)
 
#657 ·
Super fast update, amazing Thai food, back @ mine drinking wine, chatting & film on in the background,no mention of H, go me....! Oh & he bought me perfume, that smells divine!
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#660 ·
Drinks?

Oooh, oooh my turn now!! :D

I can't get into beer. Smells like urine and tastes very sour. :p
I am a red wine woman...give me some full bodied Shiraz and steak any day.
Mr.G loves scotch. I can't drink it; it burns too much. I love the smell though..mixed with the heady scent of fine cigars.
Champagne is my drink too; I love Moet. I need to try Dom one day though. :smthumbup:
 
#663 ·
Re: Drinks?

Oooh, oooh my turn now!! :D
:rofl:

I can't get into beer. Smells like urine and tastes very sour. :p
I am a red wine woman...give me some full bodied Shiraz and steak any day.
Mr.G loves scotch. I can't drink it; it burns too much. I love the smell though..mixed with the heady scent of fine cigars.
Champagne is my drink too; I love Moet. I need to try Dom one day though. :smthumbup:
don't mind the odd white wine, red wine I have never really liked ;)
 
#664 ·
******, and I am missing out, I have been filing & sanding weatherboards on the house to pretty the entrance area up so it is a bit more sales friendly.

A night out on the town, a night under the stars, hiking, I'm jealous of you all !!
 
#666 ·
gotta watch those rebound shags lol if your head is in the right place go for it.

i seen your pics crank. congrats on the weight loss, did you say it was around 30lbs? i need to get back to losing weight that i've put on in the past few weeks since sep. i see that it was your pic of the tattoo you got. i think u said you had more? i love tattoos and piercings but only had guts to get my ears pierced. thought about other piercings because they are faster then tattoos and not as permanent however haven't worked up the courage yet. maybe after i am done with my new self discovery i will do it just to say i did. something meaningful.

my drink of choice is anything except beer (ick) and wine (headaches and don't like the taste). i tried to get into wine many times, many brands and kinds but didn't happen. i like mixed drinks. kaluha and milk, peach schnapps and OJ, screwdrivers, ceasars, bailey's, rum and coke or eggnog, etc etc etc. lately i've been feeling the need to make myself a drink to chill out but i haven't. i know it's not for the right reasons and it's not too good to drink alone. oh well, for now the alcohol sits in my cupboard.

has anyone else lost weight or gained weight since your sep? anyone doing WW
 
#668 ·
gotta watch those rebound shags lol if your head is in the right place go for it.
or at least don't talk about around those of us who have been missing out for a few months now ! :)

i seen your pics crank. congrats on the weight loss, did you say it was around 30lbs?
15kg x 2.2 = 33lb

i need to get back to losing weight that i've put on in the past few weeks since sep.
watch what you were going to eat (ie: stop eating!) and walk 4km every night. Worked for me , mind you, I was pretty weak, both body & mind, oh, it helps to have a sever case of depression :)

i see that it was your pic of the tattoo you got. i think u said you had more?
I have that one that you can see, and a beetle on my forearm that I did myself when I was 15 (and drunk) using a mapping pen!

i love tattoos and piercings but only had guts to get my ears pierced. thought about other piercings because they are faster then tattoos and not as permanent however haven't worked up the courage yet. maybe after i am done with my new self discovery i will do it just to say i did. something meaningful.
If you are going to get a tatt, make damn sure it is what you really want, and it has to have some significant meaning to you.

my drink of choice is anything except beer (ick) and wine (headaches and don't like the taste). i tried to get into wine many times, many brands and kinds but didn't happen. i like mixed drinks. kaluha and milk, peach schnapps and OJ, screwdrivers, ceasars, bailey's, rum and coke or eggnog, etc etc etc. lately i've been feeling the need to make myself a drink to chill out but i haven't. i know it's not for the right reasons and it's not too good to drink alone. oh well, for now the alcohol sits in my cupboard.
pretty much number reason I haven't raided the drink cabinet :)
 
#669 ·
OK, so it must be about just after 7am AIM time, she must have had a good night !!! :D
 
#672 · (Edited)
You cheeky wotsit!!! :p

Ok **Ami's update**

I had a very nice evening, like I said he took me to a thai restaurant (in his sports car ;) ) we had an amazing meal, with lots of sharing, we chatted about his job, photography, life in general, the restaurant was buzzing, but I felt like I was the only woman in there, he looked at me constantly, lots of smiling and laughing, and made me feel really attractive.. complimented on my hair, I said I was thinking of changing it and said no I was perfect as I was...anyway.. we went back to my house, I think I mentioned he actually lives 2 hours away from me, so my children stayed at my parents the night, (they have already met him in the past but I didn't think it appropriate at this time) soooo he sat with a bottle of red and I had white, we had the tv on, but mainly sat talking, on the same 2 seater sofa, it was nice and cosy.. a complete gent... talked to 1am, then I started to lag, not getting much sleep taking it's toll. So we shared a bed, with my lovely new sheets that I bought! We cuddled up, something that I really missed, then we had a little kiss.... having only kissed one man for the last 15 years it was really weird..enjoyable but weird.. anythewhoo... well yeah.. the wine took it's toll.. and one thing led to another.. ya know what I am saying..:rolleyes: again completely different, no gory details, but again was made to feel like the most gorgeous person in the world, no talking, just very gentle... we cuddled after..and I felt as guilty as sin.. :(

This morning, we laid in bed talking, setting the worlds to rights, talked about growing up, playing games, pc's, cars and he talked endlessly about what a good mum I am, that my children are a credit to me, he said he had never really thought about having children before... until now....

Forward wind a few hours, he's driving home, I am back at my parents, crying my eyes out because I felt like I had cheated on my H.. even though he is the one that had an affair and left me...

But the thing I realised was I felt guilty because I had a good time and I was attracted to someone else. I feel guilty because I enjoyed every part of it. But I do kinda regret sleeping with him, but I think I needed to feel something..after so much rejection, I was craving something, I wanted to feel attractive, special, wanted.. I didn't have a clear head..
I regret that my H put me in this position in the first place.


My H was out again last night, something he never did before, but now he does all the time, I don't know what he was doing, who he was with, who he was doing?! But he is doing whatever he wants, he's made it very clear that he doesn't want me...

I am soooo very tired of trying to make this work... I am not looking to jump into relationship by any stretch of the imagine. I miss my H more than anything in the world, but he has screwed me over, I deserve better than that and yeah I hurt so much.. but I need to stand up for myself and NOT put up with it.. tonight.. I'm removing him as a facebook friend, I am going to do what I need to do, I am cutting myself off, if he is seeing someone else, then I have to stop myself, I won't be able to cope otherwise. I don't need to see what is going on in his 'single' life.

I now know I don't 'need' him, that other men are attracted to me. Last night showed that. C just texted to tell me he's home safe and sound and he wants to see me again... he'd like to spend time with me and the children... I don't know what will happen further down the line....*shrugs*

In short, girl had fun... now girl super confuddled...


*edited to say I fully expect to be torn a new one, I do love my stupid husband ARGH!*
 
#673 ·
Cranks new groove lol!
 
#674 ·
Just packed my gym bag and put it in the truck :bounce: ....put the Bit*ch Bible in my purse and I'm all set.... :smthumbup:
 
#675 ·
Good for you Girly!!:D
 
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