Sprite

I have asked him for a list...he has nothing he wishes I had done differently. It makes me wonder what he is holding back on.

you say "If you want to get into sync, all one person has to do, is accept the timing of the delivery of the list as it is now. As you are the only one with the list, only you have the power to do this. You had a reason for building the wall, but the reason has past. Now you're just wallowing in it. you're wasting your time and his."

I do not feel I am wallowing in anything and if anything, he has wasted my time for the past 15 years of a 20 year marriage. I can not bring myself to accept the timing of this delivery because the reason(s) have passed!

I didn't build the wall on my own.

After 15 years of neglecting his wife and children...how do you suggest I flip that switch? How do you suggest I start trusting him again? I can't just simply say...ok, its done and over with..lets move on like nothing ever happened..I did that way too many times during the course of my marriage. I had to pick my battles and since I always lost...I learned to just deal with it and keep the family together for my kids. I am not saying I am perfect...I am far from it...but it is one sided in a way because I never did anything destructive in the marriage other than to allow him to control, intimidate and threaten me. I allowed him to have what he wanted and do his thing because he made all the money and silly me supported him through it all. I allowed it to be all about him..and that is what I would change if I could. I have told him this and all he says is not to blame myself.

For years I wished he would have listened to me and he didnt. Now he is and that is great. If things were the way they are now 10 years ago....there would not be any issues...I would have been able to let it slide of my shoulders because the wall was just beginning to be built. But now I am having a hard time letting that wall go because I feel if I do, I will end up being disappointed as I have been before. I want to keep myself guarded because I will not allow myself to be hurt or disappointed in the future.

I do realize what I have now...I have a husband that any woman would want. He is a good man and is now ready to give to the family. But that doesn't negate what he has done in the past and that doesn't make me trust him. Part of me wants to be divorced...I dont want to have to answer to anyone ever again...I want to be me without someone telling me how I should behave..I dont want to be dependant on anyone ever again.

Any suggestions on how to get rid of that mentality?