Talk About Marriage - View Single Post

kbla87 · 11-26-2007, 02:09 AM

I have been married for about 2 1/2 years. Just to get it out of the way, let me say that we married really young (I was 18 and he was almost 21). Everyone told us to wait, we were too young, etc. We thought we knew better than everyone and thought that no matter what, our love would get us through.

Now here we are - separated. It all started about February, which is when we originally separated. We were living away from all family members, so we split for a month but only lived in separate bedrooms. Neither of us had any place to go. We lived like roommates for about a month and then decided to try to work things out. We continued on but instead of either of us trying to work on what was wrong with our relationship, we went back to the way things were before - as if nothing had ever happened.

Our lease on our apartment was up on at the middle of October and we moved out - and back home, closer to family - at the end of October. We transfered with the company we were both working for and moved in with his grandparents. We both knew that things were still not right with our relationship but kept our mouths shut. The fights continued and the resentment from February/March has built up to an excruciating point. About two weeks ago we decided that we really needed some time apart. The only place I really have to go is back to our hometown, which is two hours away from our job. So now I have quit my job and moved back in with my mother. He has the car (he is keeping his job, so he can afford it) and I have nothing.

I just do not know what to do anymore. I am so lost, so confused, and so scared. I love him, and he says he loves me. We just don't know if the love we have for each other is the type that makes a good, happy marriage or if it is simply a really good friendship. We feel totally comfortable with each other but have major issues with some behaviors and desires that we have individually. We have talked about it and feel that we don't have (nor desire to have) what the other wants. His family tried to encourage us to stay together, but the things they say (and the way they say them) pinpoints me as the problem. My family is trying to understand what happened and be supportive of us no matter what we decide.

I'm here, stuck in my mother's house and feel as if my life is over. I don't know what he really feels (and that is one of the major issues - lack of communication) and I do not know what I feel either. Like I said, I do love him. I just don't know if I am in love with him. I do not know if I ever was, but I feel like I was and it has been lost.

A little background:

He comes from parents who have been together for 25+ years but have never married. Has one un-married twin brother.

I come from a single-parent home (parents never married). Have three happily married siblings and one un-married sibling.

I don't know if anyone will read this, or reply, or have advice. But it feels good to get things out without waiting for a major reaction (like we did with family).

11-26-2007, 02:09 AM	#1 (permalink)
kbla87 Registered User Join Date: Nov 2007 Location: New Mexico Posts: 2	I Just Don't Know Anymore I have been married for about 2 1/2 years. Just to get it out of the way, let me say that we married really young (I was 18 and he was almost 21). Everyone told us to wait, we were too young, etc. We thought we knew better than everyone and thought that no matter what, our love would get us through. Now here we are - separated. It all started about February, which is when we originally separated. We were living away from all family members, so we split for a month but only lived in separate bedrooms. Neither of us had any place to go. We lived like roommates for about a month and then decided to try to work things out. We continued on but instead of either of us trying to work on what was wrong with our relationship, we went back to the way things were before - as if nothing had ever happened. Our lease on our apartment was up on at the middle of October and we moved out - and back home, closer to family - at the end of October. We transfered with the company we were both working for and moved in with his grandparents. We both knew that things were still not right with our relationship but kept our mouths shut. The fights continued and the resentment from February/March has built up to an excruciating point. About two weeks ago we decided that we really needed some time apart. The only place I really have to go is back to our hometown, which is two hours away from our job. So now I have quit my job and moved back in with my mother. He has the car (he is keeping his job, so he can afford it) and I have nothing. I just do not know what to do anymore. I am so lost, so confused, and so scared. I love him, and he says he loves me. We just don't know if the love we have for each other is the type that makes a good, happy marriage or if it is simply a really good friendship. We feel totally comfortable with each other but have major issues with some behaviors and desires that we have individually. We have talked about it and feel that we don't have (nor desire to have) what the other wants. His family tried to encourage us to stay together, but the things they say (and the way they say them) pinpoints me as the problem. My family is trying to understand what happened and be supportive of us no matter what we decide. I'm here, stuck in my mother's house and feel as if my life is over. I don't know what he really feels (and that is one of the major issues - lack of communication) and I do not know what I feel either. Like I said, I do love him. I just don't know if I am in love with him. I do not know if I ever was, but I feel like I was and it has been lost. A little background: He comes from parents who have been together for 25+ years but have never married. Has one un-married twin brother. I come from a single-parent home (parents never married). Have three happily married siblings and one un-married sibling. I don't know if anyone will read this, or reply, or have advice. But it feels good to get things out without waiting for a major reaction (like we did with family).