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Originally Posted by Johnny Drama  My wife and I have been married for 13 years with 3 children under the age of 12.
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I'm not going to leave the house I have worked for (she has not had a job in the last 11 years) my entire life. |
3 kids under 12--I'm pretty sure she has a tough job too
Quote:
Originally Posted by Johnny Drama I feel like we got into some type of weird area where we lost track of how to be that special person for each other.
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I can't audition for the job of husband. I want to try and work on this but I have to be given the chance without the idea of "oh, we'll see how long this lasts." I become the guy who sends flowers after his wife says he never does, you know?
And then I ask myself, can I live with the doubt for the rest of my life as to whether or not we really ever get passed this. Don't I deserve soemone who will love me back and not make me feel like I am one wrong move away from having this happen all over again? |
I've had these same feelings myself (doubting if I was really loved in return or how long it would last)...but at some point I just decided that all relationships end...if not by choice, by death so why not work on the one I am committed to? You cannot control how she's feeling and you should not live your life walking on eggshells, scrambling to please her or trying to make her love you as much as you love her.
The only thing that works, in my opinion, is loving her simply because you do and showing her by your actions...not forced like buy her flowers every Wednesday but when you think of her and smile do something right then to pass that thought along to her...kids (although a major blessing
) can easily cause couples to lose focus on each other...did you stop dating & doing things as a couple when the kids came along? This is something that my husband and I started doing a little over a year ago (my husband was in a very similar place your wife is right now) and it has really helped us to stay connected and have fun being together.
Have you read 'The 5 Love Languages'? It does speak about the fireworks and how that can be replaced with a deeper love (not as exciting, but much stronger bond) and the shelf-life for fireworks is 2 years max...so even if she feels it now with her male friend, it won't stand the test of time. It might be a good read for you both.
