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post #7 of (permalink) Old 03-19-2011, 12:34 PM
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 230
Re: Should I confess to an affair

Originally Posted by firefly180 View Post
My mother knows and tells me I shouldn't tell that the guilt is God's way of punishing me, I just fell like he should know. I need some advice please
Either live with the punishment or come clean? That's your decision and it is a difficult decision because of your husband's job..

You husband who is presumably out fighting for his country and providing for his family returns home safely because he looks after himself. Meanwhile you have put his life at risk when he comes home due to the very real risk of AIDS and sexually transmitted diseases because of your affair. Your husband has a right to know about his wife's duplicitous life and lies so that he can assess what dangers he has been exposed to. BUT, the very real problem you have here as I see it is deciding on the timing of the exposure and if your husband is about to go on another deployment. The emotional bomb that you are about to drop on your husband will create terrible turmoil, pain and devastation which could put his life in real danger if he is not concentrating on the field or task at hand because he is likely to be grieving the loss of his marriage pre disclosure.

I would give serious consideration as to where he is likely to be working and if it is in a danger zone be careful so that you do not endanger his life because his concentration will most definitely be affected.

You should get checked out for sexually transmitted diseases and perhaps speak to a counselling service within his unit, navy or whatever to discuss the situation in confidence so that your children's father does not come home in a box simply because you wanted to clear your guilt.

If he is likely to be at a desk job and out of harms way, it would be a good time to have a full and frank discussion and explain why you strayed.

You should read this link below because it is a true reflection of what happens to a loyal spouse who has to deal with the terrible pain of betrayal by someone they totally trusted. - Support for those affected by Infidelity

Good luck but you will have to work very hard to save your marriage and be prepared to witness the terrible pain and turmoil that lasts for years, not months. It's a rollercoaster of terrible emotional pain.

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