dbj1971

Ken,
Think about this. Your wife gave you her heart. It sounds like with all the other past experiences, it was just physical. You have her HEART. So, your experiences with her are infinitely more meaningful than those others, since there is a foundation of love and commitment and security in the relationship. Plus, the fact that you have children, that tends to solidify the relationship as well. People do grow up and change, and it sounds like your wife did just that when you got married eight plus years ago. I would also not ask any more details about her past experiences. They don't matter now, and I'd be willing to bet that your wife NEVER thinks about them. She may be ashamed of the way she acted back then, as she sees how she has changed and matured since she married you. You won her heart, and she chose to commit her life to you. That makes all the difference. I can understand, and believe me I can feel your pain, that as a man you can't stand the thought of anyone touching her in that way. Look at it this way: when she married you, she burned all her bridges and cast her lot with you. She gave YOU the key to her heart, and vice versa. She entered in a new phase in her life, and in a sense it was a renewal. So, in spite of her past experiences and yours, you both started a new life together in which old things passed away and it all was new again.

The next time you start thinking about those bad thoughts, thinking about her past, think about this: You are her one and only, you do not compete with her past, to her you are the world's best lover and all past experiences are burned to ashes by the fiery heat of your love. Best wishes for you and your marriage. There are a lot of good suggestions in this thread. Take them to heart. I'll bet you made her feel like a virgin again when you got with her, and that she felt like she started living on the night you first kissed. Anyone, even animals, can have sex. Only people who have given their hearts to each other can make LOVE. Cherish the fact that you have gone where no one else has gone - into her inner soul and heart, into the true intimacy of a woman - mind, soul, body and heart. Release the past - it cannot be changed. Cherish what you have now. Again, I can't stress it enough, NO other man has ever had the part of her that you have as her husband. I'll bet you they never even cross her mind. We men can be so hard on ourselves. Live in the present, look forward to the future. Love conquers all! It's going to be okay, just fight the bad thoughts with the truth. You are HER man!!