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Originally Posted by Mrs. Woman  We both have 2 kids each from our previous marriages & are trying to have 1 together, but 8 months later & 1 miscarriage later, we're not having any luck. He works & I'm a stay at home mommy. |
I can tell you from 6 yrs of striving to conceive a 2nd baby, worrying about it can throw HUGE kinks into your sex life. I cared nothing about the pleasure, all I wanted was his sperm, and he felt hurt that our sex life was reduced to that. Like you mentioned, it became a "routine action".
My husband always wanted to please, I never felt like he was just getting off though. That seriously wouldn't have bothered me too much (or so I think). My eyes were on the prize (baby) not the pleasurable journey (the connected love making) -He tried the best he could, I was the problem.
Walking in these shoes, I can see how women can get so sidetracted, to shelf the beautifulness of love making -during this STRESSFUL time. I do regret these things.
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Originally Posted by Mrs. Woman
& I get shut down for reasons such as: it's late & I have to get up early in the morning, or I've gotta meeting in the morning, or I don't feel like it tonight & we'll do it tomorrow (which when tomorrow comes, it never happens) or he's had too much to drink & is just flat-out passed-out!......
I have my fair share of excuses (I'm tired, headache, on my period, gotta be up early to tend to the kids, etc.)
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Both of you are guilty here. YOu want to break this trend, if it continues you will both feel slighted, hurt & the revolving doors of rejection will continue to sting. Maybe a little planning is in order here.
Even if you have kids at home, so long as you have a lock on your bedroom door, all is possible. Set the alarm an hour before work, go to bed a couple hours earlier. Make it a date with hours to spare for much sensual touching, kissing, lovemaking. Spice it up - since you are the original poster, let this start WITH YOU >>>
we have a tremendous impact on our spouses, our attitudes, our enthusiam.
If you want to jump start the Passion- please your husband, be determined to knock his socks off. Consider a book like this :
Amazon.com: Passionista: The Empowered Woman's Guide to Pleasuring a Man (9780060834395): Ian Kerner: Books
Learn to be a Pleaser. This may well be infectious to your husband as well- in giving back to you.
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Originally Posted by Mrs. Woman I miss him not being able to keep his hands off me from the moment he walks in the door from work & sneaking passionate kisses when the kids aren't looking. I miss him breaking my cycle when I'm cooking or cleaning, just to take me in his arms & take my breath away for just a second. I miss intimate make out sessions before the love making or even just something simple like taking my hand & kissing it, not even having to say anything, but to just look in his eyes & seeing the love in his eyes. Oh how I miss the little things!  |
I hear you ! I would miss these things too- but (again) let them start with YOU, someone has to start the fire !
This thing about husbands FEELING orgasms, I don't understand that at all. Men can not really tell one way or another with us, maybe he misses your enthusiam before you both came into this rut, he feels your lost of desire & he is making a deal out of it -possible?
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Originally Posted by Mrs. Woman How do we get back to the way it used to be? He says I've lost all interest for him sexually & he has decided to sleep in another room. Hello?!?! We're not in our 80's! We're in our 30's!! It's not that I've lost interest, but lately it just feels like it's all about him being satisfied: having sex b/c he wants to, when he wants to no matter how I'm feeling at the time, or wanting a BJ (which he's known from the very start that I don't like doing those b/c of medical reasons & I get no satisfaction from it when I need a release also, etc.), but I do them anyway for him; it's one thing him not wanting to do anything, but if I reject him, I'm the selfish one!
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Medical reasons for not performing oral? You have my curisity on that one.
This is how I feel on this.... This rekindling has to start with someone, you are the someone seeking advice....so ...... If you love your husband, you will WANT to please him sexually, you will not allow him to sleep in the other room , you will go & physically pull him back in your bedroom & seduce him to show him you "WANT HIM" and want to please him, bring a smile to his face, give him something to get up for every morning and go to bed smiling about.
His pleasure will be your pleasure. And YOUR pleasure should also be His Pleasure. The fact he cares that you have an orgasm -I personally do not think that is a bad thing. Good Lovers usually want to know they are satisfying their partners, that is very meaningful to them. For some, it may be an Ego boost, but for many (like my husband) -he truly feels pleasure from giving ME pleasure, he would even feel a little empty if I did not get mine. This is the spirit of a Giving Loving Husband.
This sounds like a great book -
Amazon.com: The Passion Parties Guide to Great Sex: Secrets and Techniques to Keep Your Relationship Red Hot (9780767924375): Pat Davis: Books 