Talk About Marriage - View Single Post

wanttobehappy56 · 03-31-2011, 02:54 PM

Amazing, here I am blaming myself for not trying hard enough, dealing with missing my wife and trying to figure out why she is so desperate to end this marriage so fast? She drafted a property settlement agreement 2 weeks after we separated, and for the record I didn't want to leave, but I made myself for the sake of sanity, hers and mine.

After begging and pleading, I accepted where we are, and that we'll probably never reconcile.

Whenever we talk, she's in a bad mood, like I should apologize for still being in love with her. Presses the property settlement agreement and DEMANDS I tell her the reason I'm not ready to sign. Somehow, "I'm just not ready" is no excuse. She even interacted with my mother behind my back and convinced her it was a good idea we get divorced. My mother is a control freak too, but she's a legend at it, and isn't changing, and doesn't see how inappropriate it was to interact with my wife behind my back.

I still love her, I truly do, I've never had the kind of connection with anyone as I had with her. But she changed, it was Jeckle and Hyde.

Now I have my problems too, but this is a 2 way street. I made some mistakes in our relationship, but she never took a look at herself ONCE. I was willing to try counseling, but she said "I would, but I KNOW nothing will change".

She wanted to control everything in our relationship, and I let her, and suddenly she cannot make up her mind whether she was EVER in love with me or not. Now she's saying she was in love with me, but isn't anymore because something is broken because of my emotional reaction to her. She constantly tries to get me to justify her feelings, tells me she "doesn't want to hurt me anymore, and I should just give up." When I apologize for my emotional outbursts, she says "well I hurt you, so I understand". But whenever I won't give her the reaction she wants, she throws things in my face like they just happened this morning, and we have NO CHANCE of reconciliation because of how I acted.

What's hilarious is that I know she truly is a good person who does care about people, but when I go through that list above I have to answer almost all of those questions with a YES.

I'm even scared to bring up her controlling nature to her, because the backlash is just hateful, and she is still trying hold onto anger about not getting what she wanted. We are separated, and I miss her and her daughter so much and I truly want to work things out, and I'm dealing with my anger and my own control issues, but IS THERE ANY HOPE? Can I bring this up to her without making things worse, for what it's worth, she's looking anybody she can find who agrees with her decision, and since she reached out to MY SUPPORT GROUP to help her feel better about her decisions, that tells me she's having trouble finding agreeable people in her own support group.

03-31-2011, 02:54 PM	#12 (permalink)
wanttobehappy56 Member Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 46	Re: Controlling Behavior/Relationship Amazing, here I am blaming myself for not trying hard enough, dealing with missing my wife and trying to figure out why she is so desperate to end this marriage so fast? She drafted a property settlement agreement 2 weeks after we separated, and for the record I didn't want to leave, but I made myself for the sake of sanity, hers and mine. After begging and pleading, I accepted where we are, and that we'll probably never reconcile. Whenever we talk, she's in a bad mood, like I should apologize for still being in love with her. Presses the property settlement agreement and DEMANDS I tell her the reason I'm not ready to sign. Somehow, "I'm just not ready" is no excuse. She even interacted with my mother behind my back and convinced her it was a good idea we get divorced. My mother is a control freak too, but she's a legend at it, and isn't changing, and doesn't see how inappropriate it was to interact with my wife behind my back. I still love her, I truly do, I've never had the kind of connection with anyone as I had with her. But she changed, it was Jeckle and Hyde. Now I have my problems too, but this is a 2 way street. I made some mistakes in our relationship, but she never took a look at herself ONCE. I was willing to try counseling, but she said "I would, but I KNOW nothing will change". She wanted to control everything in our relationship, and I let her, and suddenly she cannot make up her mind whether she was EVER in love with me or not. Now she's saying she was in love with me, but isn't anymore because something is broken because of my emotional reaction to her. She constantly tries to get me to justify her feelings, tells me she "doesn't want to hurt me anymore, and I should just give up." When I apologize for my emotional outbursts, she says "well I hurt you, so I understand". But whenever I won't give her the reaction she wants, she throws things in my face like they just happened this morning, and we have NO CHANCE of reconciliation because of how I acted. What's hilarious is that I know she truly is a good person who does care about people, but when I go through that list above I have to answer almost all of those questions with a YES. I'm even scared to bring up her controlling nature to her, because the backlash is just hateful, and she is still trying hold onto anger about not getting what she wanted. We are separated, and I miss her and her daughter so much and I truly want to work things out, and I'm dealing with my anger and my own control issues, but IS THERE ANY HOPE? Can I bring this up to her without making things worse, for what it's worth, she's looking anybody she can find who agrees with her decision, and since she reached out to MY SUPPORT GROUP to help her feel better about her decisions, that tells me she's having trouble finding agreeable people in her own support group.