| | Re: Husband says I exhaust him when I want to talk about feelings
Thanks for all the great and somewhat hard to hear comments. I do agree with mostly everything said. I think the root of it is that I am starve for intimacy. In the first 10 years of our marriage, I equated intimacy with sex so I would always desire more sex in order to feel intimacy with him (not only does he not like to talk about feelings, he does not have a need for sex). So the more he kept his feelings to himself, the more I initiated sex (it was at least some kind of intimacy). The more I initiated sex, the more he felt pressured. It was an endless cycle. Then last year I gave up and completely went dead inside. I shut down all my caring, expressions, love, and needs with him. Even through all this, not once did he say how it affected him. It wasn't until the episode where he said my talking about feelings exhausted him that he said he was hurt last year. He said he doesn't like to talk about his feelings because he feels I want him to take a dagger, cut open his chest, rip out his heart, and put it on platter so that I can know he has a heart. Ouch. That hurt. But I did see his point. I am just having a hard time being patient and quiet because I get absolutely No feelings. No intimacy. No sex. No initiation of bonding. To him, we are good just the way we. I will do my best to be patient and not let my heart get hurt so easily. I agree that we need to go to marriage counseling.