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swedish · 12-10-2008, 10:46 AM

I have been in your shoes so I understand how you must be feeling. Keep in mind, an emotional affair usually starts because a spouse is not getting their emotional needs met within the marriage. You probably know better than anyone that this was probably the case when you were drinking. She had a need to feel loved and appreciated for who she is and she found a listening ear which probably made her feel special.

She wants your marriage to work. She is being open and honest with you. She is giving you the opportunity to be there for her emotionally. This is actually an open invitation for you to be the one who is patient, understanding and wanting to show your love for her. Don't lose it with her or she may get defensive and/or shut down.

What I needed to do was to really understand how he got to the point of an EA and my role in our marriage at the time...the key is all of the progress you are making now, the changes and refocus...she wanted you to be giving her what the EA gave her but you were not available...now you are. You really need to think this one through because if you cannot forgive her, it will be difficult going forward.

12-10-2008, 10:46 AM	#3 (permalink)
swedish Moderator Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Near Chicago Posts: 3,308	Re: was blindsided I have been in your shoes so I understand how you must be feeling. Keep in mind, an emotional affair usually starts because a spouse is not getting their emotional needs met within the marriage. You probably know better than anyone that this was probably the case when you were drinking. She had a need to feel loved and appreciated for who she is and she found a listening ear which probably made her feel special. She wants your marriage to work. She is being open and honest with you. She is giving you the opportunity to be there for her emotionally. This is actually an open invitation for you to be the one who is patient, understanding and wanting to show your love for her. Don't lose it with her or she may get defensive and/or shut down. What I needed to do was to really understand how he got to the point of an EA and my role in our marriage at the time...the key is all of the progress you are making now, the changes and refocus...she wanted you to be giving her what the EA gave her but you were not available...now you are. You really need to think this one through because if you cannot forgive her, it will be difficult going forward.