Saffron

I think you need to find a marriage counselor. She's getting something from making these contacts, either feeding her ego, enjoying the thrill of meeting someone new, or just the fantasy of possiblity. It's leading her down the wrong path, she should be focusing this energy on finding fulfillment in a healthy and lasting way, like in her marriage, career, family, or hobbies.

Act now, before she does find someone that lives up to the fantasy she has created in her head. You don't need to appologize for snooping, after her previous transgressions, you have every right to know what she's up to. My husband cheated on me, so I have access to everything, even his work email. But he also has access to all of my accounts too. There should be no need to have a private account.

A marriage counselor or therapist could help your wife see that what she's doing is a violation of your trust. If she's unhappy and no longer wants to be married, then she should end it with you first. It's like she wants to dip her toe in the single pool first before diving in, not cool or fair to you.

Until your wife sees there is a real possibility of loosing you, because of her behavior, I doubt she'll stop. In the past it seems her indiscretions have been brushed aside as not a big deal, but they are! Plus, as many of us have said, sometimes you only have a portion of the truth. I'd be giving that co-worker relationship a second look. My husband denied a PA with his co-worker, looked me in the eye and said he never kissed her, but then later confessed to a PA that consisted of 2 hotel visits.

Didn't mean to ramble, but as pit-of-my-stomach has said (was it you Pit?), it's like we see the truck coming and we're all frantically waving our arms trying to get you to safety. Good luck and know you can always find support here. We know how it hurts and are hoping for the best.