Originally Posted by Maya627
This kind of thing is apparently not unusual in his family, since his father and uncles had mistresses that their wives knew about but put up with.
This is interesting. I'm surprised no one has commented on this. Since he grew up seeing this situation with "mistresses" in his family, does he believe this is the "norm" for marriages? I can actually slightly see how he thinks this is acceptable, since he's grown up around it and it was tolerated by the wives.That doesn't *make* it acceptable, but it may help to understand what he's thinking. In his family, if the men had higher drives than their wives, the simple solution was to find a mistress, rather than work on a compromise in the marriage. This is likely his mindset and pattern of thinking.
Again, that's doesn't make it okay, but it may help you communicate better with him if you understand his thought patterns. I personally think that sitting down and working on a compromise and adjusting expectations is a better solution, but that may not be something he's considered, based on his family history. You may need to approach the subject. Just a thought
Finding another outlet for him would be the *easy* solution for both of you...takes the responsibility off your shoulders, he gets what he thinks he needs. Is it the best solution? No. The best things in life are the things you put the most work into--if you want a great marriage, you'll have to both fight for it, not settle for the easy route. Just my opinion, though.