Talk About Marriage - View Single Post

Jellybeans · 04-19-2011, 10:56 AM

Worst feeling ever.

I am doing lightyears better now that it's finalized but that Limbo of waiting and waiting and waiting for it to go through and going through the motions and not sure if it's going to happen and wondering if there is still a chance at reconciling, a last sliver of hope, and feeling like you're head is in a fugue--it is quite possibly hell on Earth.

The way I described it to someone was this:

Going through a divorce is like having your insides (chest) ripped open and it's burning hot like fire. And someone is pouring acid/gas on it so it's hurting like hell and you're crying and in pain and the tears don't stop coming and you're running out onto the highway screaming, hoping for anyone to help you, to stop and help you and spray off some of the pain and the fire and the burning but everyone is watching you and looking at you and going by and nobody can help you. And your screaming for help and mercy is no good to you.

That is what divorce felt like to me.

Post-divorce...there is a relief that comes with it. Cause the legalities are all tied up. The realization that it is all over so you have a new understanding and can accept it. You're broken, new, different. It's like you've been put in a machine and you come out a little stranger. Stronger. Wiser. A sense of innocence and naivete is lost. And yet -- you are ok. It's weird!!!

I do think the person who filed the divorce and ended the marriage formally/legally does not have the same "divorce experience" as the person who did not want the divorce and still wanted the marriage does. While I don't doubt the person who wanted out of the marriage grieves the loss and is hurt by it all and in pain, I don't think the grief/loss is the same as the spouse who had a divorce forced on them, or in other cases, the spouse who really wanted to stay married and never wanted a divorce.

That said, I don't believe one party is 100% at fault for the break down of a marriage. It takes two. With that said, it only takes one to end a marriage.

Divorce changes you. Someone said it's like getting an amputation: you survive it, but there is less of you. It's like getting a tattoo you never wanted. But it's there now and you just have to go on live with it.

And with every day, you find a way to smile, move forward, wake up in the morning, brush your teeth, laugh at something funnyon the news, discover something new, have setbacks, cry, feel happy, you're somehow different but ok. You go through it. I don't believe time heals all wounds but time certainly makes it better.

04-19-2011, 10:56 AM	#2 (permalink)
Jellybeans Member Join Date: Mar 2011 Posts: 11,662	Re: what does divorce feel like? Worst feeling ever. I am doing lightyears better now that it's finalized but that Limbo of waiting and waiting and waiting for it to go through and going through the motions and not sure if it's going to happen and wondering if there is still a chance at reconciling, a last sliver of hope, and feeling like you're head is in a fugue--it is quite possibly hell on Earth. The way I described it to someone was this: Going through a divorce is like having your insides (chest) ripped open and it's burning hot like fire. And someone is pouring acid/gas on it so it's hurting like hell and you're crying and in pain and the tears don't stop coming and you're running out onto the highway screaming, hoping for anyone to help you, to stop and help you and spray off some of the pain and the fire and the burning but everyone is watching you and looking at you and going by and nobody can help you. And your screaming for help and mercy is no good to you. That is what divorce felt like to me. Post-divorce...there is a relief that comes with it. Cause the legalities are all tied up. The realization that it is all over so you have a new understanding and can accept it. You're broken, new, different. It's like you've been put in a machine and you come out a little stranger. Stronger. Wiser. A sense of innocence and naivete is lost. And yet -- you are ok. It's weird!!! I do think the person who filed the divorce and ended the marriage formally/legally does not have the same "divorce experience" as the person who did not want the divorce and still wanted the marriage does. While I don't doubt the person who wanted out of the marriage grieves the loss and is hurt by it all and in pain, I don't think the grief/loss is the same as the spouse who had a divorce forced on them, or in other cases, the spouse who really wanted to stay married and never wanted a divorce. That said, I don't believe one party is 100% at fault for the break down of a marriage. It takes two. With that said, it only takes one to end a marriage. Divorce changes you. Someone said it's like getting an amputation: you survive it, but there is less of you. It's like getting a tattoo you never wanted. But it's there now and you just have to go on live with it. And with every day, you find a way to smile, move forward, wake up in the morning, brush your teeth, laugh at something funnyon the news, discover something new, have setbacks, cry, feel happy, you're somehow different but ok. You go through it. I don't believe time heals all wounds but time certainly makes it better. Last edited by Jellybeans; 04-19-2011 at 11:07 AM.