Originally Posted by frustr8dhubby
Because it induces useless conflict. Essentially I am saying "Magically desire me somehow or I am gone". I would prefer that she actually desires me and if she doesn't or can't then I have to go anyway.
I think in her mind she does, yes. She is happy to give me a BJ, swallow, etc. She even claims to enjoy that. I cannot say that there is ever much "enthusiasm" if that is the right word. Certainly not much in the way of initiation.
I don't see it that way, personally... I see it as "Work with me and put in some serious effort into rebuilding our intimacy, or I'm gone". The other option for me would be to just go, which is what I did. My wife's track record in following through on any "fixes" in our relationship was such that I had no faith it would make a difference in 2 months. And I no longer had the emotional energy to invest in beating that horse.
As far as the open marriage thing goes, I'm pretty sure I couldn't have done it, even if my stbx agreed to it. Hell, I barely have time to maintain one relationship, much less more than one. But I'd use it as an eye opener. I wouldn't put a strong likelihood on that approaches success rate, though. Kind of a last ditch effort.