9 months ago, my wife started playing online spades every night with a particular man. She had played lots on the computer and even on that sight. However, it wasn't long before it was obvious they were becoming more than card partners. She would search for him as soon as she got on the site. He would search for her as soon as he got on the site. They would play together for hours every night.
We had several arguments over the first 7 months. I would get angry about the time spent with him. She would give me the script that I know now to be quite common. "It's just a game." "You wouldn't care if I was spending this time with a woman." "You're just jealous." "You're just insecure." "He's just a good spades partner." "We win all the time because we have the same playing style." etc. etc.
About 2 months ago, I came across some google searches. "Falling in love over the internet." "Ending an emotional affair" and a few others. I confronted her. "You've been lying about "affair partner name". "Yes, I have. As a matter of fact, he's the one I wish I was with right now." She agreed that she wouldn't contact him any further.
A day or two later, she wanted to play with him to see if it could just be friends as it should have been. Somehow, being the doormat that I now know I have been, I reluctantly agreed. This went on for a few days. She had promised it wouldn't go back to every night. After a few every nights in a row, I said he had to go.
Then came the controlling accusations. "I need time to make my decision." "You can't force me to decide." etc. That's about the time I found this site.
I have finally starting becoming stronger, mainly due to all of the help and information I have gleaned from the many friends I have found on here. I have now a great support group. This site, my family, her family, friends, etc.
She has refused to stop the affair until a few nights ago. I sat her down and told her that she needs to either dump him, go to marriage counselling, and start working on our marriage or we need to start liquidating our assets in preparation for divorce. I told her I think we need to go for an uncontested divorce since it will be cheaper and easier on the kids.
She said she doesn't want a divorce and will end it with him that night. She called to end it with him, supposedly. However, I still don't understand and she won't explain why a "goodbye" phone call lasted about 3 hours. Also, she will not give up the affair phone or the online passwords. The OM has her passwords. He is the one that set them up. I told her that as long as he has that info and I don't, the affair is still ongoing.
She swears it is over, but won't give me what I ask. She is very angry that I don't just trust her. The kids are gone for a few days with my sister-in-law. Our anniversary is tomorrow. I cooked a nice meal last night - steak, baked potatoes, etc. We did eat dinner together. The trust thing came up last night and I explained that she has continually shown that she can not be trusted. Hiding the phone and not giving the passwords only reinforces that instead of working on rebuilding trust.
Pit of my Stomach made a great point. Even if she is done and does actively start working on the marriage, am I too far gone to forgiver her and start over? I don't know. I really feel nothing for her at this point. She feels less for me. One day at a time. Tomorrow is our 13th wedding anniversary. That should be a great day.
We had several arguments over the first 7 months. I would get angry about the time spent with him. She would give me the script that I know now to be quite common. "It's just a game." "You wouldn't care if I was spending this time with a woman." "You're just jealous." "You're just insecure." "He's just a good spades partner." "We win all the time because we have the same playing style." etc. etc.
About 2 months ago, I came across some google searches. "Falling in love over the internet." "Ending an emotional affair" and a few others. I confronted her. "You've been lying about "affair partner name". "Yes, I have. As a matter of fact, he's the one I wish I was with right now." She agreed that she wouldn't contact him any further.
A day or two later, she wanted to play with him to see if it could just be friends as it should have been. Somehow, being the doormat that I now know I have been, I reluctantly agreed. This went on for a few days. She had promised it wouldn't go back to every night. After a few every nights in a row, I said he had to go.
Then came the controlling accusations. "I need time to make my decision." "You can't force me to decide." etc. That's about the time I found this site.
I have finally starting becoming stronger, mainly due to all of the help and information I have gleaned from the many friends I have found on here. I have now a great support group. This site, my family, her family, friends, etc.
She has refused to stop the affair until a few nights ago. I sat her down and told her that she needs to either dump him, go to marriage counselling, and start working on our marriage or we need to start liquidating our assets in preparation for divorce. I told her I think we need to go for an uncontested divorce since it will be cheaper and easier on the kids.
She said she doesn't want a divorce and will end it with him that night. She called to end it with him, supposedly. However, I still don't understand and she won't explain why a "goodbye" phone call lasted about 3 hours. Also, she will not give up the affair phone or the online passwords. The OM has her passwords. He is the one that set them up. I told her that as long as he has that info and I don't, the affair is still ongoing.
She swears it is over, but won't give me what I ask. She is very angry that I don't just trust her. The kids are gone for a few days with my sister-in-law. Our anniversary is tomorrow. I cooked a nice meal last night - steak, baked potatoes, etc. We did eat dinner together. The trust thing came up last night and I explained that she has continually shown that she can not be trusted. Hiding the phone and not giving the passwords only reinforces that instead of working on rebuilding trust.
Pit of my Stomach made a great point. Even if she is done and does actively start working on the marriage, am I too far gone to forgiver her and start over? I don't know. I really feel nothing for her at this point. She feels less for me. One day at a time. Tomorrow is our 13th wedding anniversary. That should be a great day.