Talk About Marriage - View Single Post - Lack of Affection/Sex Enough to Derail a Marriage?

Alphan · 04-20-2011, 03:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by youngstown

I have been married 8 years. I come from a very affectionate family upbringing, and have a high sex drive.

My wife comes from a dysfunctional upbringing and is not very affectionate. We have talked about this as a problem for me over the years. Things have never really changed, and it is usually me instigating anything in this department.

The same goes for sex. My wife takes medication that affects her sex drive, possibly, and also just has a lower sex drive. We have spoken at nausea about this as well. It has never changed. I always instigate, and even though we have no kids, once a week is pretty much the norm, maybe even once every two weeks.

Unfortunately both these issues are huge to me. Even though we have spoken about them, nothing ever changes.

In regards to sex, I have suggested seeking medical opinions/help or counselling. My wife has said no to both.

In regards to affection, it confuses me as to why she cannot be more affectionate if she really does love me. If she is attracted to me, but her constitution is not to be extra affectionate, would not my discussions of how important to me stir her on to change?

Perhaps I am asking too much. But both of these topics are making me seriously consider the future. I am at my end. Are my expectations just that out of whack? Are these two things just something I should accept as negatives in the relationship and move on and be happy? Any comments would be so appreciated.

YT

It's true that sex is an important thing in a relationship. I like describing it as a seal of mutual ownership. That's why one partner feels jealous if upon suspecting they are being cheated on.
Having said this, I believe all is not lost in your relationship. Strong relationships are formed by each partner stepping from their hard line positions to help each other overcome some of the common setbacks that stand against the bliss.
Sex is not a factor for a happy relationship. It is a result of it. It is not just a right to claim. It is a free will give and take act, arising from an existing friendship. Sex without friendship is a selfish, one sided act that does not meet its purpose. Try to work out some ways to improve confidence and be good friends with her. Strain or stress is another thing that can badly affect sex. Make sure she is not being overworked, or over concerned about certain issues in life. I hope she is not nearing menopause. This is another moment that women develop cold feet for sex. One of the reason behind this being the gradual narrowing of the sexual organ that may result into having painful sex. Whatever the case, I believe you will get out of it. Quitting is not the solution here. By quitting, you might be jumping from the frying pan to the fire.