Quote:
Originally Posted by credamdóchasgra  What I'm trying to do is hold up a mirror to his behavior.
So he SEES it. |
How's that approach working for you?
Its not working because its actually poor boundaries to try to do that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by credamdóchasgra If I were to say "it makes me feel..." any of the things I feel, guess what his response is?
"That's your problem! You have to deal with that!"
at least if it's in the heat of his reaction.
He truly doesn't care about my feelings in those moments, AND then pins it on me if I share any feelings about it. |
But you never do say "it makes me feel..." You say simply, "when you do xyz, I feel..."
Taking out the words "makes me" is such a simple thing but it can be very profound for your own happiness.
Its actually not his response that is important when you implement boundaries- especially right now. Its for you. When you communicate with him you vocalize and solidify assumptions in your own mind and interpretations about the situation. The way you communicate will reinforce certain beliefs with yourself and those believes can make you miserable. For example saying someone else's action "makes you" or demanding of someone that "I will not be yelled at" solidifies certain perceptions and creates certain expectations in your own mind. The assumptions and expectations you reinforce by your communication has everything to do with your own happiness. You are, in a sense, communicating with yourself.
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"I'm a lover of what is, not because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality."
- Bryon Katie
