KW,
The biggest red flag here is the general comment that she is unable to compromise. That right there will kill the chance for happiness in a marriage. The bit about family size is simply a symptom of the "me me me - and only me" disease.
It takes a special "couple" to raise 8 kids. Emphasis on "couple" as it requires tremendous commitment by both parents to provide a positive environment for that many children.
It also means that you are independently wealthy or agreeable to making major lifestyle sacrifices to provide for the kids.
I actually think it is ok to marry accepting some level of uncertainty as to family size. I ALSO believe it is critical for both people to look each other in the eye and say: "I accept that we may have to compromise on this issue. And that neither of us can be certain how our feelings on this matter may change as our family grows. That said, I may be unwilling to have more than X children. If that is a show stopper for you, we should not marry".
I think your fiancee is trying to accomplish two things:
1. Get you to agree to a very big family and
2. Get you to accept that your desires/preferences/needs are always going to get ignored when they conflict with what she wants
Read these boards. They are full of people full of "love for "who" they married, and miserable because of how that person treats them".
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kite Weaver  Thanks for the advice guys.
@ snorring, Yes she works (univ. prof) I have made the same point you are making over and over... but she does not see reason.
It is just not realistic, and more importantly, Its not what I want to do with my life. Initially I thought this was all a smoke screen for some other issues, but this is what she genuinely wants to do.
And its scares me.
After the last time we spoke about this, she asked for time to make a decision. I love her, but maybe there is more to marriage than love. |
