Originally Posted by PBear
First off, this is coming from someone else who has cheated on their spouse. So don't think I'm slamming you or anything.
Second, if the OM gets in touch with you again, you should think of a sexual harrassment charge... He was in a position of authority over you, and to some degree took advantage of that. That's not right.
Having said that, you need to think about your role in all this. You seem to be blaming the OM for forcing his way. But you put yourself in situations repeatedly where this was possible, and didn't take steps to keep YOURSELF safe. Why were you drinking with your boss's boss in any circumstances? Why put yourself in situations to "test yourself"?
I'd suggest finding someone you can talk to about this in real life. A counselor would be a good first step. Your husband knows the entire truth (right?), and he's working on forgiving you and moving on. You need to do the same. You've made some bad decisions, but those are in the past. All you can change is how you behave in the future. You have control over that now. Use it.
Thank you PBear, appreciate your advice. I know, I know, I was stupid and I can't even answer why I put myself in those positions or needed to test myself. I guess that once things had started I felt that if I was in control of things and was able to say no in certain situations then I would feel as if I'd really stopped things and did so because it was wrong and I didn't want to cheat. I'm not sure if that makes any sense at all. I wanted to finish it for the right reasons not just because I was getting married or he was going on holiday etc etc. I wanted to feel that I'd somehow recouped some of my morals by putting myself in those situations yet still being able to say no, however it wasn't that easy. I didn't initially blame the OM as much as I do now but other people who know me have made me think a bit differently about it, and things the OM has said since it all happened have made me believe that he did take advantage of me. I can't explain it really and it sounds so lame but he really did keep telling me I'd be safe with him, that he wouldn't try anything and I believed him because I thought we were close friends.
Yes I've told my H everything now (warts and all!).
Some days I feel really positive and know I have to get on with things and feel so lucky I've been given this chance, but other days it just feels debilitating.