ItsOnlyMe-
First of all, even though it's obvious that you are in one hell of a state, you need to let her grieve over her granny. That will go on for a while. It might be intense for 2 more weeks to a month. After that she will calm down, but every now and then a wave of emotion will hit her.
She may eat less, which might help with her self esteem, or she might comfort eat.
As far as sex goes, you seem to be saying that you never initiate for fear of rejection, but you get irritated by her not jumping on you. I don't know if she can guess why you are irritable, or if it's a mystery to her. A lot of people get into this sort of dead-lock. Have you considered that if a man never initiates it makes the woman feel undesirable?
It is only since the 1960s that women have been initiating sex in a big way. Before that it was the man's prerogative. Deep down, she may feel you have not nourished that need in her. Of course right now, you are going to get rejected a lot more often than you would if she was not upset. But in time, it might be different. People who initiate have to face the fact that they will be rejected. In some marriages it's 9 times out of 10! She has given you a green light about initiation already:
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Originally Posted by ItsOnlyMe She has mentioned in the past that she wanted me to be more agressive, initiate, I dont know how.. I dont know when she is or isnt in the mood. Im not sure what im scared of. rejection or the gutt feeling of is she doing this because "SHE" wants to or me, would this make her uncomfortable, kinda like thinking im forcing it to happen, in a really bad way of thinking of it. |
Believe me when I tell you women rarely give such a direct statement. I am sure she meant it.
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Originally Posted by ItsOnlyMe She has mentioned in the past that she wanted me to be more agressive, initiate, |
You see, there are two words there. Initiate means you have to ask, or start with touching or whatever your style is. Agressive means that if she rejects you, you take it like a man and don't go off with your tale between your legs. But it also means that she may want you to initiate in a certain way. She wants you to be confident and manly. If it's done right, women love a bit of cheeky c0cky behaviour.
You can master this, and it will be fun. but you need to give her space at the moment, or it will all backfire. Get this next two weeks right, and she will really admire you. Don't blow it.
Also, keep writing. You are having trouble talking with her, and you are having trouble writing here. But you
are managing. And a fairly clear picture is coming across from you now. But some of your thoughts need clarifying. The writing will help with that. And when you are healed, you can help others.
My childhood was not pleasant either, but it does give me an insight into other people sometimes.
