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How can Jay convince Lori that he never felt more then a friendship with Millie?
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He can't because it's not true. Actions speak louder than words. He cheated no matter how he wants to paint it.
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How can he live with himself?
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Good question and I don't know. I couldn't if I did that to my spouse.
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How can Lori get over the pain?
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No idea. I'm not Lori.
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Was it really an emotional affair if Jay never wanted Millie and his feelings never went beyond platonic?
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Yes because he got off on the praise, spent time with her alone when he knew full well what her intentions were.
Yes.
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Could he really deal with seeing her anger and pain for the years that it would take her to move on?
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Only Jay can answer.
And ditto on the nobody was bullied into an affair. Happened because he allowed it to happen.