Talk About Marriage - View Single Post

PBear · 05-09-2011, 04:48 PM

My thought... You should have a plan, at the very least. Some options (what would you do if he wants to leave the apartment, what would you do if he wants you to leave). For example, a friend you can move in with, even if it's onto a couch temporarily. And because your name is on the apartment lease (I'm assuming) you're still as responsible for that as he is, so keep that in mind. As in, if he decides to head back home, then both of you are on the hook for the lease penalties, if any.

I guess I'm just saying to be aware that you're the one pushing this decision onto him, and you're not (it seems) willing to try to work through things while still at home. He's likely to be blind-sided by this, no matter how aware he is of there being a problem with your relationship. Because you're driving, then it seems like it must be your responsibility to have at least a semblence of a plan BEFORE taking a wrecking ball to your lives.

I'm the one that initiated our separation. Prior to doing that, I crunched numbers for several months to make sure that we could work through things financially. I'm the primary income provideder; actually, right now I'm the ONLY income provider. But because I still care about my wife and kids, I took it as my responsibility to have a plan to make sure we were provided for as best I could. It hasn't worked out the way I had in mind (she was supposed to go back to work 2 months ago, and hasn't yet), but we're making do and getting by. So I can appreciate your concerns.

In my case, I'm living in a friend's basement suite that's about the size of some hotel rooms I've stayed in; one large room with bed, desk, "entertainment" area, and shared kitchen and laundry facilities. It's "cozy", it's not really suitable for having the kids come over for any extended visits, but it's MY place and a springboard for my future. And it's relatively cheap ($700/month), so it fits in our joint budget. At some point soon, I'm going to have to start pushing for my stbx-wife to become more self-sufficient.

C

05-09-2011, 04:48 PM	#10 (permalink)
PBear Member Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Canada Posts: 4,143	Re: Living Together While Separated My thought... You should have a plan, at the very least. Some options (what would you do if he wants to leave the apartment, what would you do if he wants you to leave). For example, a friend you can move in with, even if it's onto a couch temporarily. And because your name is on the apartment lease (I'm assuming) you're still as responsible for that as he is, so keep that in mind. As in, if he decides to head back home, then both of you are on the hook for the lease penalties, if any. I guess I'm just saying to be aware that you're the one pushing this decision onto him, and you're not (it seems) willing to try to work through things while still at home. He's likely to be blind-sided by this, no matter how aware he is of there being a problem with your relationship. Because you're driving, then it seems like it must be your responsibility to have at least a semblence of a plan BEFORE taking a wrecking ball to your lives. I'm the one that initiated our separation. Prior to doing that, I crunched numbers for several months to make sure that we could work through things financially. I'm the primary income provideder; actually, right now I'm the ONLY income provider. But because I still care about my wife and kids, I took it as my responsibility to have a plan to make sure we were provided for as best I could. It hasn't worked out the way I had in mind (she was supposed to go back to work 2 months ago, and hasn't yet), but we're making do and getting by. So I can appreciate your concerns. In my case, I'm living in a friend's basement suite that's about the size of some hotel rooms I've stayed in; one large room with bed, desk, "entertainment" area, and shared kitchen and laundry facilities. It's "cozy", it's not really suitable for having the kids come over for any extended visits, but it's MY place and a springboard for my future. And it's relatively cheap ($700/month), so it fits in our joint budget. At some point soon, I'm going to have to start pushing for my stbx-wife to become more self-sufficient. C