| | Re: Is it all my fault?
This just makes me sad. I was like your wife in many ways. I have so many regrets for the wasted years of our marriage.
You said your wife has talked to her doctors and they said she is normal. The fact is - low desire is a common problem - so I guess that makes it normal to them. But if it is causing a problem in the marriage - then normal doesn't cut it does it?
The other fact is most medical doctors don't even test the individual types of hormone levels, and hormones play a big part in this picture, especially testosterone so how can they say she is normal or not if they have not tested the individual hormone levels.
Is she on birth control pills? They can cause major problems with a women's desire level.
If your wife is willing to go to counseling you should do so. ASAP!!! And if I were you I would look for a sex therapist instead of a marriage counselor. It is very much like marriage counseling except the therapist is trained to deal with sexual issues and can give your wife (and you) specific help that you need. I guarantee this problem is the most common one they deal with.
Yes - this could well be a compatibility issue - but there are solutions even for compatibility issues. It is essential that both spouses agree to work together to find them. It is not right nor healthy for a marriage for her to say you only have sex when she wants it and its not right nor healthy for you to say she has to have sex every time you want it. Finding and working out a balance that you BOTH can live with is the key to fixing this. Your needs are just as important as hers.
However, even if you work out a compromise on how much sex you have - a key ingredient MUST include finding a way to help your wife enjoy the sex you have for the compromise to work. That is why I recommend you find a sex therapist They can help your wife in this area and help both of you work through this and find solutions which have all the ingredients necessary to make for lasting solutions.
Sex therapists don't only deal with sex - they also deal with communication skills and almost everything else that marriage counselors do. But in addition they have the special training that you are going to need to get help with the sexual issues. You can google ASSECT to find a good one in your area.