Originally Posted by Gabriel
Some people on here talk about having the "cheating" spouse open all email, text, etc, communications to prove their trustworthiness. But that's not trust. Trust is believing them when they say something. Hell if I want to be snooping in the email and texts all the time. That would be torture and we'll never get past it. This my problem right now. Can I give her the benefit of the doubt?
Many will say no, you must demand transparency. But this will be your call. In our case, I did not demand it, I did not snoop and did not question. Once I was sure she was ready to end the EA and try to recover the marriage I was done with that part of it. It was time to build trust again. Transparency in my opinion is overrated. If a spouse is going to cheat they are going to cheat. There are too many ways to fly under the radar. But I fully understand that you may be setting yourself up to get burned. Many called me a sap for not demanding transparency but I am glad I chose the path I did. Certainly if there were issues that were curious, we discussed them and to my recollection all were resolved to my satisfaction. Choose your path based on how well you think you know your wife and her character.
As far as any communication from or to TOM. Can it, no contact for you or your wife. It's a bad idea to give him a platform to state his case or flog himself. He did what he did, @$# him!