Gabriel

Anthony, I appreciate your answers. I like getting all the perspectives.

Regarding the Bible verses - I don't know what they've texted or said. The stuff I saw was not graphic at all. It was more of a longing.

The email from the OM detailed his jealousy about her talking with a guy she knew (nothing untoward in that situation btw). But his email went on and on, beyond what is appropriate. Then her response was the damaging one - but not graphic. Like I said, more of a "wish things were different, so we could make be together" type of thing. She confided our problems to him as a friend, and he said all the things she needed him to say, and over the years had backed them up with his actions as her friend.

She is very remorseful and feels like a bad person for her thoughts. She asked me "what should I have done?" given she came to me first a bunch of times over a long stretch and tried to work it out with me. She answered her own question and said that the courageous thing would have been to ask for a divorce first, then be alone, then see if her friend made sense as a partner later. She called herself a coward for instead letting herself emotionally cross the line first while still married.

I will ask her for more detail about what they've said to each other beyond that email. I really should have done that right away. The email was enough to do the damage so I didn't ask that question.