Talk About Marriage - View Single Post

mic1708 · 12-19-2007, 06:24 AM

Hi,
I need some advice. I don’t know whether this is my fault or both my wife and myself. We have been married for 12 years now, have three beautiful children and even talking about having a fourth. We have everything that we need in life and from the outside looking in everything looks perfect.
My problem is sex, or my wife’s lack of interest in it to be exact .From my point of view everything else in life seems to come before getting intimate. There is no problem when we are making love but it’s getting there that is actually the problem.
At weekends when the kids go to bed or in the evenings we will sit down and maybe watch TV for a while, but in no time at all she will be asleep on the couch. Every now and again she will wake up and say something but will soon go back to sleep. This will go on until I say “Let’s go to bed”, she will then wake up. I will go to bed but she will stay on. I don’t know if she goes back to sleep or if she now starts to watch TV. She will then come to bed about 0.5/1 hr later. As soon as her head hits the pillow she is asleep again. When I try to initiate sex, she is lifeless and just lies there asleep unless I persist for a long time. I could be rubbing her breasts or giving her oral and next thing she will fall asleep. I will feel very demined, have lost interest at this stage and will usually turn over and give up. She will then wake up get into the swing of things and everything is fine from thereon in. As I say when we get going we are fine, we have experimented and used toys etc, but it’s getting to this point that is the problem. Sometimes when she doesn’t wake up I will masturbate beside her but it just isn’t the same.This is not a new thing as it also used to happen before we got married. We have had several rows about this but only after I get mad after her falling asleep.
I have tried setting the mood with candles, romantic dinners, baths and even candlelit massages. These will work fine, but only the once, after that it’s back to normal. Should I need to set the mood every time I want to make love or should I be asking her in advance to make love that night in order to prevent this from happening?

Now I am no fool, I realise that my wife works hard at her job as well as looking after the house, preparing dinners, looking after the kids etc. I help her with all of the above as we probably split the chores 45/55. (She will admit this herself). I know that it is hard to keep all the balls in the air, I am under just as much pressure as I have a day job and also run my own business from the house in the evenings. I feel that our relationship is being left to the last and will suffer in the long run. I don’t want this problem to fester and get out of proportion and lead to worse things.

Any advice or comments would be greatly appreciated.

12-19-2007, 06:24 AM	#1 (permalink)
mic1708 Registered User Join Date: Dec 2007 Posts: 3	Wife falling asleep during sex Hi, I need some advice. I don’t know whether this is my fault or both my wife and myself. We have been married for 12 years now, have three beautiful children and even talking about having a fourth. We have everything that we need in life and from the outside looking in everything looks perfect. My problem is sex, or my wife’s lack of interest in it to be exact .From my point of view everything else in life seems to come before getting intimate. There is no problem when we are making love but it’s getting there that is actually the problem. At weekends when the kids go to bed or in the evenings we will sit down and maybe watch TV for a while, but in no time at all she will be asleep on the couch. Every now and again she will wake up and say something but will soon go back to sleep. This will go on until I say “Let’s go to bed”, she will then wake up. I will go to bed but she will stay on. I don’t know if she goes back to sleep or if she now starts to watch TV. She will then come to bed about 0.5/1 hr later. As soon as her head hits the pillow she is asleep again. When I try to initiate sex, she is lifeless and just lies there asleep unless I persist for a long time. I could be rubbing her breasts or giving her oral and next thing she will fall asleep. I will feel very demined, have lost interest at this stage and will usually turn over and give up. She will then wake up get into the swing of things and everything is fine from thereon in. As I say when we get going we are fine, we have experimented and used toys etc, but it’s getting to this point that is the problem. Sometimes when she doesn’t wake up I will masturbate beside her but it just isn’t the same.This is not a new thing as it also used to happen before we got married. We have had several rows about this but only after I get mad after her falling asleep. I have tried setting the mood with candles, romantic dinners, baths and even candlelit massages. These will work fine, but only the once, after that it’s back to normal. Should I need to set the mood every time I want to make love or should I be asking her in advance to make love that night in order to prevent this from happening? Now I am no fool, I realise that my wife works hard at her job as well as looking after the house, preparing dinners, looking after the kids etc. I help her with all of the above as we probably split the chores 45/55. (She will admit this herself). I know that it is hard to keep all the balls in the air, I am under just as much pressure as I have a day job and also run my own business from the house in the evenings. I feel that our relationship is being left to the last and will suffer in the long run. I don’t want this problem to fester and get out of proportion and lead to worse things. Any advice or comments would be greatly appreciated.