| | Dirty talk makes me feel cheap
The other night is a good example of what has been going on for a while.
The "love-making" was nice at first. But it went from being nice to it being really dirty and rough. I thought (as usual when this happens), well, maybe he needs this. But afterwards, things just kept running through my mind, and I felt really panicky. I had to take medication to stop what felt like a full-on panic attack. I kept telling myself, don't over-analyze, because this happens when you are really tired. Just get to sleep and think about it later. Well, I woke up this morning with all of it still swimming. Maybe it isn't even each of the things individually, but all of them together. He pulled my hair, choked me a little, told me to tell him who was his b*tch, and in general was pretty demeaning. We have been together for a year and a half now, and although he always makes sure that in the moment I am "ok", I am trying to give him what he needs but it is making me feel like a wh*re. I have told him I don't like dirty talk, and yet I can only remember a few times when we slept together and he wasn't chattering away the entire time about dirty stuff. He is so explicit. The talking just takes me out of the moment, and I am only climaxing maybe 10% of the time. In the beginning it was amazing and I felt really connected to him (and the talk wasn't dirty until probably like, 6-8 months into it and progressed slowly but steadily) but now, I just feel objectified. I have no idea how to talk to him about this. Any suggestions???? I want to make it work, but I am worried this is an underlying part of his personality and the way that he wants to and does talk to me during sex is indicative of his respect for women, and/or the role he wants to play during sex. On the other hand, it could also be that he is watching too much porn, he is older than me by eight years and has had many single years to himself, and I know that he is a big porn watcher. This bothers me, and I have told him that, but he says it is just my insecurity.
I love him very much and he is sweet and caring and attentive and treats me extremely well otherwise. I am just so confused and sad, watching my efforts in the bedroom becoming more of an act than genuine enjoyment.