| | Re: Why?
It's like last night when I came home and rolled my eyes when she mentioned going out to get a "festive shirt" for New Year's eve. She got all po'd and demanded to know what I was rolling my eyes about. I told her to not worry about it. Then she goes into the "this is what I mean about you and why things will never get any better". I told her that it's hard to hide my emotions sometimes and if she really must know I think she is being selfish.
Then I started to talk about getting the key to the house she will be moving into to and that I would have it on Friday or Monday. She calmed down and was nicer. Last night I had this dream that she apologized to me and that we were back together. It was so real that I woke up and thought it had happened. Then I realized it was just a dream and depression started to set in.
I don't know why I still care for her and love her. I just guess I'm hanging on for some reason because I do think she wants help but isn't sure what to do. When I try to talk to her calmly about getting help it doesn't work. I even tried to say that she should get help for the sake of our son. She came back with "what I do in my personal life has no impact on him" referring to her affair.
She tells me that I interject my perspective and code of ethics all the time and last night again made me feel responsible for what has happened.
I am just so down again. I'm listening to other people in my office talk about going out with their spouse or having fun and I think my wife will be out, without me, having fun and possibly cheating more. I have no way of really knowing. I still believe TOM is still in Iraq because I actually called the base that he would return to and scoured online to see what troops returned in December and none of them were his regiment.
I'll at least have peace with my son tonight and she probably won't come rolling in until 2pm-3pm tomorrow. I like to how she mentioned last night that some nights she wanted time with my son. Now she will be with him all day and I work during the day and she had the balls to say that she wanted a couple nights with him as well. Is this completely selfish of her or am I acting wrong in thinking that if she has him during the day then I should at least be able to be with him during the evening since he will also be staying at my home at night.
I am just so sad guys. I just feel completely depressed about everything. I try to get strength but I'm just a senstive person and this really hurts me at the core. I've never experienced such pain and hurt like this.