I think a good idea is to show your husband, outside the bedroom that you are backing off of being the controlling spouse by letting him call some shots.
Start small. The next time you go to dinner, let him decide on the restaurant. Don't offer any suggestions, just get in the passenger seat and tell him to surprise you. When you get there, let him order for you. He knows what you like. Obviously, offer nothing but praise for his choices, like you would a first date. Try little things like that to get both of you comfortable with him leading you.
Maybe buy some lingerie just to wear around the house. Don't try to initiate, just try to get him looking at you. If he does initiate, make the first few times more about him. If he's willing to have intercourse, use condoms.
Go to Married Man Sex Life
and buy Athol's book. It's a marriage saver. Read it, and then ask your husband to read it.
It's a big hole that you're digging yourself out of. But, since your husband is committed to staying in the relationship, you have a decent chance.