Originally Posted by bonsai
I have one more question. What's the best way to handle porn stuff?
I would simply bring it up nonchalantly. After dinner, suggest the two of you watch porn together. If he balks, don't get mad or upset. Say you'll do it another time and wait a week or so before asking again. I know it will hurt to know he's watching it and masturbating without you. But, that's one of the consequences of your past actions that you need to accept and get through. Hopefully it won't last that long.
If he accepts, just snuggle next to him on the couch and watch. Don't try to initiate sex. Over several sessions, I suggest communicating your arousal in plainer and plainer terms. You could start by talking and, a several sessions later, be masturbating on the couch next to him. You should eventually try to include him by asking which scenes/actresses he likes the most, if he would like to try a certain position/scenario sometime, etc. Perhaps offer to make a personal porno starring you that is specifically geared for him. Afterwards, just give him a kiss and thank him. Remember no pressure.
I think porn is harmful to a marriage. And I understand your being hurt by him watching it. But, I would leave that battle for a time when your relationship is in a much better place. You need to gradually and non-threateningly shift his focus from porn to you. If you can get back to a healthy relationship and sex life, hopefully your husband will be much less interested in porn. If not, you can try to offer yourself as a willing substitute in asking (not threatening or demanding) for him to watch less of it.