Originally Posted by JJG
My interpretation was that he is happy to be married as long as it is not difficult or involves work. Everything is is fine until a problem arises (even very small ones), then suddenly he doesnt know what he wants, or isnt sure the marriage will work out.
I know you said you are both young, so he cannot help it, but this is very immature behavior. He has a wife and child, he needs to grow up and start dealing with problems rather than giving up . . .
I agree with Tempertoo that you shouldnt not bring up serious relationship talks all the time as you do need to just enjoy eachother. Would you be prepared to try MC again but for longer than 2 mths?
I dont think it is fair on you that he brings up the D word everytime there is a bump in the road.
I think that you hit the nail on the head - every time there is a problem it is easier to throw his hands up in the air and "quit" rather than stick it out, work hard, and figure things out. I hadn't seen this behavior in him before we got married, but in the past two years I have seen more and more of it. It just appears to be the way that he "solves" his problems - is to walk away.
To me, that is not what marriage means. Marriage doesn't mean that, oh, you gave it a whirl, it's not what you expected, it's harder than you imagined, so you're done with it. To me, marriage means there's bound to be bumps in the road, and when those storms come it's time to hunker down, figure stuff out, and weather it together.
I think that your first paragraph is exactly what happens and exactly how he feels, but rather than say that (and admit that that's what he's doing, because it's a pretty chickenshiit way of going about things) he'd instead say that I've changed, or he's changed, or "we've grown up but we didn't grow together" or it's a "personality issue" and that we clash. Unfortunately, I think that what clashes is our maturity level. I know that all of those things are not the problem. We get along wonderfully. We laugh, joke, no longer nitpick each other, we work well as a team, we love each other, we support each other, we encourage each other, we have fun together, etc. This is why I'm having such a hard time with what he is saying, because if what he is saying is true, then he is DARN good "faker" at all of those good things that I mentioned a sentence before this. For being "unhappy" he is pretty darn happy...
We went back to MC after he came back from his short trip by himself to think about things. The MC wasn't that great, to be honest with you. And, very unfortunately, it is the only one in town, and the only one that is of reasonable distance for us to get to (we live on an island...). I have contemplated enrolling us in a couples retreat that involves counseling for a weekend trip, but don't know if that would be effective. It would be expensive, but if it worked, I would never consider it a waste of money.
I appreciate you weighing in on this, and would appreciate anything else that you have to offer to me. Aside from telling him to grow up (man that'd tick him off), I don't know what to do other than to keep sticking this out, riding it out, and waiting through his real growing up process. I love him dearly, so am willing to wait for him to figure everything out, but am also tired of having the D word dropped every time there is a problem.