Originally Posted by WhereAmI
It's best to ask questions so they're actively thinking about the situation. Children love to feel involved in things, including solutions to their issues. When she returns willing to discuss what's upsetting her, ask her how she could handle this differently in the future. If she says she doesn't know ask her if she'd like you to give her options. Follow up with a few scenarios that would be acceptable and ask her if she thinks one would work more than the other.
The more questions, the more she's thinking and absorbing.
OMG Thank you all of you at the time I was really distraught, but (a) my OH rang to apologise for misinterpreting something I'd said earlier on (and no, I really don't think I was taking this out on 9yo)
(b) just the passage of time led 9yo (son!) to be fairly calm and ask me to say goodnight - again- and I stroked his forehead which he loves so the night ended ok.
BUT - I feel very much better and kind of think it's right to think that he is confident he can be a 9yo biatch because he knows he's not going to lose my love**. Upside down but makes sense. Thank you all of you again.
(mind you, any further thoughts welcome. - I'm sure come the morning something else will surface!)