Talk About Marriage - View Single Post - Hurtful- Husband refuses sex with me. Too late to fix?

Laurae1967 · 05-23-2011, 07:23 AM

I just read your post and have some thoughts. First of all, what you did to him was really horrible, but it sounds like you know that. Have you ever fully expressed how sorry you are to him for being so deceptive? I mean, 100% taking responsibility for everything? I am not suprised that he doesn't want to have sex with you after all you have done. He probably is still angry about all the stuff you pulled and it will take a while for him to work it out. And he can really only work it out if 1) you are truly remorseful for what you did and have expressed that without making any excuses 2) can show him consistently that you have made important changes to your controlling ways.

I also think you need individual counseling for yourself because if your issues are so large that you used sex as a weapon for 3 years and tricked your husband into having a baby when he said he didn't want one, you really need intense help that a marriage counselor cannot provide. It also sounds like you are not making much progress with your MC, so I would look for someone new. There are many mediocre therapists and it takes a while to find a good one. Psychologists are a much better option than other types of therapists because they have more extensive training.

You treated your husband in a way that gave him the message that you care nothing for his wants and needs. It will take a long while to fix this. Get some therapy for yourself because this is really your issue and MC is not the place to solve this. Good luck!

05-23-2011, 07:23 AM	#11 (permalink)
Laurae1967 Banned Join Date: May 2011 Posts: 803	Re: Hurtful- Husband refuses sex with me. Too late to fix? I just read your post and have some thoughts. First of all, what you did to him was really horrible, but it sounds like you know that. Have you ever fully expressed how sorry you are to him for being so deceptive? I mean, 100% taking responsibility for everything? I am not suprised that he doesn't want to have sex with you after all you have done. He probably is still angry about all the stuff you pulled and it will take a while for him to work it out. And he can really only work it out if 1) you are truly remorseful for what you did and have expressed that without making any excuses 2) can show him consistently that you have made important changes to your controlling ways. I also think you need individual counseling for yourself because if your issues are so large that you used sex as a weapon for 3 years and tricked your husband into having a baby when he said he didn't want one, you really need intense help that a marriage counselor cannot provide. It also sounds like you are not making much progress with your MC, so I would look for someone new. There are many mediocre therapists and it takes a while to find a good one. Psychologists are a much better option than other types of therapists because they have more extensive training. You treated your husband in a way that gave him the message that you care nothing for his wants and needs. It will take a long while to fix this. Get some therapy for yourself because this is really your issue and MC is not the place to solve this. Good luck!