Voyager

OK, ladies, I need to know what I'm in for.

I'm fairly new to TAM and haven't posted much of my story but let me just say that the past 9 months (exactly to today) has seen my marriage collapse to the brink of divorce and rebound to a very slow, painful reconciliation. My wife has admitted to numerous one-night-stands on business trips over the past eight years of our sixteen year marriage. She had a PA/EA last Spring while away for several months on business and carried on a long distance EA for several months after that. Last August she found the courage to tell me she wanted out of the marriage. I was, of course, blindsided, knowing that she suffered from depression but I had no idea regarding her feelings towards the marriage, me or her affairs. Somehow we've managed to stay together. She regrets her actions, but true remorse seems to be lost in the fog. We're both pretty emotionally distant and talking about our feelings is difficult for us. We are attending marriage counseling. She is also attending individual counseling. Progress is very, very slow. Almost to the point of just maintaining a status quo. We get along well--always have--but closeness and intimacy is still rare.

While we were trying to reconcile I lost my job. My unemployment was surprisingly brief and I've now started a new job which is... OK but nothing to write home about. Once we learned that I was losing my job, my wife started to apply for jobs in her field and was offered a position in Boston (about 700 miles away from where we now live).

We (well, I) had always assumed that we would eventually move for her career and that would be the time for me to make a career shift from one in which I am totally burned out (computer stuff) to something that thoroughly engages me (though much lower paying). I've been working towards a Master's degree in my desired field and I'm one course away from completing the program. But still, it's a pretty low paying field. We've both made the assumption that we're selling the house and making the move but I certainly have some reservations because of the expense of Boston and the state of our relationship. This move will certainly put greater emotional and financial strain on us. To be honest, I don't see that she can turn down the job. That would stop her career in its tracks. And it's not a bad location for what I want to do.

Now the latest twist in the tale: For the past few weeks my wife has been stating that she feels like she's losing her mind, forgetting things and just generally out of sorts (like I'd be able to tell, HA!). She's had some 'female issues'. She underwent surgery for uterine fibroids a number of years ago. We have no children. Her gynecologist said last week that she may be pre-menopausal. ... OK .... being a guy, that doesn't mean much to me. My concept of menopause means that the woman is going to go bat-s**t crazy for the next couple of years. Sure. That'll help.

What can I really expect? I'm really not sure how much more stress 'We' can take.

TIA