| | Re: Big situational change...advice please !!! Ladies !
Thank you Toto...you are right, I am determined to get my family back. I love my wife and she stuck it out with me through some tough times, risked her heart for many years. One doesn't do this unless there is love deep deep down. I was complicated and on my own search and she put up with it.
It's my turn to pay the piper and take the risks. My turn to work and quiet confident determination can work. The key to the lessons I have learned have been not to push or to cave.
My wife is a very complicated woman too and even her family have questioned how I could deal with how she behaves. But I believe what has kept my wife drawn to me has been my ability to absorb these difficult things.
I am going to ask her to please go to counseling on her own, because she has issues. But it's simple, I love this woman and my family and I know she loves her family to.
I think she believed I wasn't capable of going it alone, that I was dependent on her to do everything. Wrong, she always wanted to be in control, but she got tired of that in the end. By forging my own path over the last months, I proven what I said to her way back when, that I don't need her, I want her.
We shall see, a very quiet starting gun has gone off so I am going to hold back but slowly take gentle control of the situation. I used to wear my heart on my sleeve and used to express my every thought and emotion to her. No more. I keep very quiet when she talks, I release just enough for her to know that I have been listening and that I care. This is part of my 180 and it does effect how I treat my wife. I am a very passionate man so I needed to take control of my emotions on every front.
Anyway, more than you needed to know. Thank you very much for your wishes. I am no fool, this could still fall apart but I believe if it's done intelligently, this R could work. Too many I have read walk in to R without a long term plan to chip away at. MC is not the only step that needs to be taken and the 180 has to stick. I suspect I am going to have to keep my wife on her toes for a long time to come, to keep her guessing. I will not pant nor will I beg. I am too proud for that. I believe these elements of my nature are what appealed to my wife and they are back.
I am not saying I won't have days of panic or sorrow but my wife has seen none of this over the last month. Even when I was in the worst of states if my wife texted me or called, I replied secure and happy. Quite a challenge indeed.
No more heart on the sleeve. Part of my 180 =)