| | Hopless abusive situation?
i am in an emotionally abusive marraige and from researching this, i'm realizing that it's so deeply ingrained in my husband that it's doubtful he'll ever change or is even capable of changing. to be fair, he has gotten better but has such a long, long ways to go i dont' know how long i can endure this.
I have his 10 yr. old (the mother abandoned) who i consider MY son because i've raised him since he was 3 yrs old and love him to pieces. I have a 8 yr old daughter who i share custody with her dad, but she's been in this current situation since she was 2 yrs old and prob doesn't remember life before her step brother and my husband. we also have a child together who is 4 yrs old. that being said, i just can't bail out of this...my kids deserve better then that.
i would say our biggest problem that causes major stress is that my husband has a VERY strong libido (wasn't like that before we got married, go figure) and if 2 or 3 days go by without him having sex, his abusive behavior is amplified. it's like there's poisen running through his veins. the emotional abuse i'm talking about has crushed my spirit and destroyed any bond i've had with this man. he focuses on and exaggerates all my negative traits and NEVER acknowledges anything positive about me. he's very narcissistic and can't fathom that his behavior is abusive and hurtful to me because he's perfect and everyone is stupid.
i'm on anti-depressents which negatively impact my libido as well as the abuse and day to day stress of managing 3 young children. i have these 'passion killers' working against me and more times then not i have sex with him just to appease him and keep him off my back (no pun intended..lol) but he can tell i'm not into it and has made it clear it is no fun for him. since this last go around of us trying to 'work on the marraige' - him repeating the abusive behavior - me calling him out on it - him playing the victim and putting the blame on me (he's a spin dr.) - i detach and don't want to have sex with him. now it's divorce talk. but one of us moving out isn't an option due to not wanting to traumatize kids and finanaces won't permit.
so what to do? we've talked about him having a girlfriend on the side which upsets me and makes me sick to my stomach because in some twisted dysfunctional way, i still love him. but on the other hand i can't picture spending the rest of my life with someone who's obsessively hyper-critical of me and has this impulsive need to assasinate my character. lemme tell you, i'm a good wife. i'm nuturing, supportive, i cook, i clean, we've had a hard time financially and i've adjusted by working those coupons/sales for food and going to yard sales for clothes (he even *****es about the yard sales where i find great stuff you'd never know it was second hand), etc. and cutting back spending wherev i can. instead of being pissed off at him for our financial situation i'm thankful for eduring this because it's made me a better resourceful person! (been falling down on house stuff lately i'm exhausted all the time, having health issues, this pisses him off and i get no leeway)
i keep my self in shape and attractive for him, and i'm a good mom. what else could a husband ask for! but it's never enough for him he thinks he's entitled to ask for way more then he gives back. SO WHAT TO DO? do i try to further detach so i don't loose my sanity when he finds a fu** buddy on the side? we're not having sex so i'm sure it's just a matter of time before he finds someone else. his office is in our garage so he HAS to be here evday. this house, my neighbors kids, the neighborhood school is the center of my children's universe so i'm NOT leaving. ANY ADVICE? i feel like this is a hopeless situation.
Last edited by tiffany747; 06-07-2011 at 05:34 PM.