| | Re: Found out wife cheated first year of our marriage,7 years later
I had my first session of MC yesterday. We are meeting separately right now at the request of the marriage counselor, so I guess in essence it's really IC for the time being. I was a little on edge going into the session, I guess because I didn't know this guy and I tend to have a hard time opening up to strangers. I was somewhat put at ease when I sat down because I noticed he had a Bald Eagle collection in his office and I collect Bald Eagle stuff as well. I think it helped to break the ice a little.
I started by telling him about how I uncovered the affair, the affair itself, and what she had done after the affair was over to try to cover it up. I then went back and told him of our entire life together, since the night we met. I tried to get as detailed as possible with him over issues we had before we were married and after we were married. In all, the session was almost two hours. He gave me time to tell him the story of our lives and then took the opportunity to address a few things like why I've been sexually aroused this week. I told him that I didn't understand why because of everything that has happened. He said that it may be that I'm trying to stake a claim that she belongs to me. I told him I felt like sex should be the furthest from my mind. He said that I may be subconsciously trying to emotionally break any bonds she might have for OM and that was a good thing. He said that if I was trying to figure out whether to forgive and possibly reconcile that it's imperative for her to get rid of any bond she may have with OM, and mutual intimacy almost always accomplishes that. Trust me, it's been mutual. We have had sex together every night since Sunday, except on Tuesday, and it's been the best sex of our entire relationship. He asked why we didn't have sex on Tuesday and I explained that she had sore muscles from the previous nights and I told her we would take a night off. He said that he understood.
He also gave me a good piece of advice for this marriage or any future relationship I might have. He said that when we discuss things, we should sit across the table from each other and take each others hands to discuss the issue. He said this creates a physical connection between the two people and it causes them to feel connected in a physical way as well as on an emotional level and makes both people more amenable to the discussion and less willing to jump to anger. Being a man, and one who craves physical touch many times daily, this makes perfect sense to me. I can't believe I had never thought of this before. I think this is great advice for anyone in any kind of relationship.
After the session he recommended the book "Wild at Heart" for me to read, as well as "The Five Love Languages". I told him that I had read "The Five Love Languages". He said he thought it best for me to read it again. I told him I would and thanked him for his time. We setup another appointment for next Wednesday at the same time. I think the best part about this session was that it was great to tell someone who was being unbiased in the whole situation and understood the feelings and hurt I was going through.