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Originally Posted by RestlessInGeorgia  After all of this happened, I cried out to God to ask why he would allow this to happen to me. I never got an answer, directly. But, the first thought that came to mind was the story of Jesus and the Adulteress. As she was about to be stoned for having an affair, he stepped in and told the crowd, "He who is without sin, cast the first stone." Since guilt had set in on the crowd, not one stone was cast and the crowd dispersed. Jesus then turned to the woman and asked where her accusers were and whether they had condemned her. She told him no one did and he responded, "Then neither do I condemn you. Go now and leave your life of sin."
This story hit me like a ton of bricks. It not only dealt with a cheating spouse, but also showed me that I'm not innocent either. It spoke to me on many different levels. It told me that I too have sinned, and will continue to sin against God, but he still showed me grace. It showed me that Jesus was willing to forgive for adultery, shouldn't I show the courage of my beliefs and at least entertain the thought of forgiveness and reconciliation? Don't I owe this to the person I claim as my lord and savior? I know the bible states that God hates divorce, but it also says that a marriage can be put away for infidelity. Jesus said it "CAN BE", not that it has to be. I believe the reason for this allowance is because of the pain caused by the total betrayal and that God knows this pain is very hard to overcome. |
I, too, had these thoughts. That story popped immediately into my head. Also, the "God hates divorce." and "Except for adultery," pieces. Yes, scripturally, we have the right to divorce our wives.
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Originally Posted by RestlessInGeorgia I now know that if I forgive her, it's because God forgave me. I know that it will be his grace, not mine. I also know that if I can't, God is not ashamed of me. So, I think I owe this to myself to try and forgive the biggest transgression ever brought against me.
Even if you don't believe in God, Jesus, or any other deity, forgiveness is good for the soul. |
I had not been to church in years. I also grew up in the church. I have started back, mostly due to the affair. One night, we had a huge fight (verbal, never any physical fight. I have never hit her or any other woman.) I do believe the affair is finally over, yet I was harboring very much anger, bitterness, and resentment. This particular fight was 98% my fault and it was in front of the kids. I was ready to walk away. The next day, I went and talked to my counsellor (Christian pastor and marriage counsellor). That night, I went to church. Guess what the topic was? Forgiveness. Something hit me hard that night.
I realized that forgiveness wasn't so much a gift that I could give her as it was a gift I could give myself. Part of the Lord's prayer is "Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us." I don't want to get into a big theological discussion between law and grace, etc. I wrote a long letter to my wife the next day. I told her I forgive her. I laid out in detail what I was forgiving her for. With each sentence, I felt more and more peace.
Now, that has been a week ago. I don't know if reconciliation will work or not. To be quite honest, my heart isn't really into it. For the kids' sake, I will give it some time. Mainly because the affair is over. However, I feel 100% better. I don't know if my marriage will work out or not. I do know that conscience decision to forgive has given me internal peace.
