Talk About Marriage - View Single Post - Wife caught Flirting- Marriage in trouble Again

JAG · 06-10-2011, 02:49 AM

Nine days since we seperated and still the pain and hurt is there. A friend who has an appartment in Turkey booked flight for me and him to go Sunday week for a break. I told my wife and she was delighted for me, told me it was what i needed to help me get over the break up.. I thought she might have been a little upset and would ask if we could maybe talk... But now i know she has come to terms with the seperation and is moving on. She cares for me and wants me to be happy, but i don't think i can or will ever be...
I just want the pain, anger, hurt and sadness to stop. She told me i was a great husband and father but how could i be if she wanted to break up so much...I don't know how much more i can take.. I have 3 small children i adore but maybe they would be better off with my wife and me gone......
At least then the pain would be over and they would get over me..i tried to kill myself when i was younger but didn't have the courage and will. Now this could be my escape clause... I know i'm running and am being totally selfish but don't judge me please. In my heart i know i won't go through with anything but i think of it all the time..
If only i had realised this long ago i could have saved our marriage.. Maybe it was destined for this all the time... I love her and i know i didn't behave in a way to show it. I was distant and closed to emotions. At any row or preceieved threat i would build barriers and become very hurtful and malicious towards her. But i had a hard childhood and developed this method of surviving.. really i should never have married. Some people should be alone, they only cause hurt in relationships. I concentrated on providing for her and my family and didn't provide warmth and caring that she needed. i turned her from a soft caring person into a harder person. I know it's all my fault and i can only blame myself.......i pushed her away and now she is gone.... I can't cope without her. We are living together but it's not the same.... I find it so hard to see her every day and know what i've destoyed and will never get back... I'm pathetic and week and don't deserve anything more than what i've ended up with....

06-10-2011, 02:49 AM	#24 (permalink)
JAG Registered User Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: ireland Posts: 29	Re: Wife caught Flirting- Marriage in trouble Again Nine days since we seperated and still the pain and hurt is there. A friend who has an appartment in Turkey booked flight for me and him to go Sunday week for a break. I told my wife and she was delighted for me, told me it was what i needed to help me get over the break up.. I thought she might have been a little upset and would ask if we could maybe talk... But now i know she has come to terms with the seperation and is moving on. She cares for me and wants me to be happy, but i don't think i can or will ever be... I just want the pain, anger, hurt and sadness to stop. She told me i was a great husband and father but how could i be if she wanted to break up so much...I don't know how much more i can take.. I have 3 small children i adore but maybe they would be better off with my wife and me gone...... At least then the pain would be over and they would get over me..i tried to kill myself when i was younger but didn't have the courage and will. Now this could be my escape clause... I know i'm running and am being totally selfish but don't judge me please. In my heart i know i won't go through with anything but i think of it all the time.. If only i had realised this long ago i could have saved our marriage.. Maybe it was destined for this all the time... I love her and i know i didn't behave in a way to show it. I was distant and closed to emotions. At any row or preceieved threat i would build barriers and become very hurtful and malicious towards her. But i had a hard childhood and developed this method of surviving.. really i should never have married. Some people should be alone, they only cause hurt in relationships. I concentrated on providing for her and my family and didn't provide warmth and caring that she needed. i turned her from a soft caring person into a harder person. I know it's all my fault and i can only blame myself.......i pushed her away and now she is gone.... I can't cope without her. We are living together but it's not the same.... I find it so hard to see her every day and know what i've destoyed and will never get back... I'm pathetic and week and don't deserve anything more than what i've ended up with....