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Myopia1964 · 06-16-2011, 01:15 AM

I've been dating a guy for about six weeks. So far, it's been wonderful. We're highly compatible and very attracted to each other. He's been nothing but courteous, thoughtful, and respectful in every way. I wouldn't say I'm head over heels for him (it's way too soon for that), but I really, really like him and I feel like there's true potential. He tells me all the time how "into" me he is.

But tonight something happened totally out of the blue that absolutely floored me. He told me that he needed to be honest with me...that he had a fishing trip to Colorado planned for July with an ex girlfriend who he hadn't seen in 20 years. He had made plans with her months ago. But...he tells me...he has no romantic interest in her and he just wanted to be up front. I was stunned. I told him that he needed to make his own decision about the trip, but that, in all honesty, him spending a week in a condo with an ex girlfriend (despite his assurances that nothing would happen) wouldn't sit well with me and I couldn't guarantee that I would be around when he came back. So, when he hears that, he suddenly backpedals and says he'll cancel the trip. What bothered me the most is, why would he even consider going on a trip with an ex when he's starting a new relationship (and yes, we've slept together and discussed our desire to be in a monogamous relationship) and he claims he's so into me? And why put it on me to be the bad guy and make a decision about whether he should go? It seemed like he was asking for my permission.

The whole thing triggered some very bad feelings and stirred up some major trust issues that I've been working on since breaking up with my ex several months ago. I became physically agitated and upset and told him I needed to leave. He actually blocked my way and begged me to stay...telling me how important I am to him and how badly he wants things to work. He was visibly upset. But all I wanted to do was run away...fast! I told him I needed to go home and have some time to think. I explained that I spent years in a relationship where I was accused of being untrusting and suspicious, but that my ex never did anything to demonstrate that he was trustworthy and, in fact, did a lot of things to make me NOT trust him. I also told him that I didn't like the person I was when I felt insecure and suspicious and that I NEVER want to be put in a position again where I am cast as the "bad guy".

To me this is a huge red flag, and I've foolishly overlooked red flags in the past. A few years ago, I would have explained his behavior away, convincing myself that he was just worried about backing out on plans that he felt obligated to follow through with. Now, my gut instinct is to bolt.

Am I overreacting? He was clearly upset that he might have driven me away. Should I give this guy another chance or should I trust my gut? I think his behavior is really bizarre. So confused!

06-16-2011, 01:15 AM	#1 (permalink)
Myopia1964 Member Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: Southwest US Posts: 118	Is This a Red Flag or Am I Overreacting I've been dating a guy for about six weeks. So far, it's been wonderful. We're highly compatible and very attracted to each other. He's been nothing but courteous, thoughtful, and respectful in every way. I wouldn't say I'm head over heels for him (it's way too soon for that), but I really, really like him and I feel like there's true potential. He tells me all the time how "into" me he is. But tonight something happened totally out of the blue that absolutely floored me. He told me that he needed to be honest with me...that he had a fishing trip to Colorado planned for July with an ex girlfriend who he hadn't seen in 20 years. He had made plans with her months ago. But...he tells me...he has no romantic interest in her and he just wanted to be up front. I was stunned. I told him that he needed to make his own decision about the trip, but that, in all honesty, him spending a week in a condo with an ex girlfriend (despite his assurances that nothing would happen) wouldn't sit well with me and I couldn't guarantee that I would be around when he came back. So, when he hears that, he suddenly backpedals and says he'll cancel the trip. What bothered me the most is, why would he even consider going on a trip with an ex when he's starting a new relationship (and yes, we've slept together and discussed our desire to be in a monogamous relationship) and he claims he's so into me? And why put it on me to be the bad guy and make a decision about whether he should go? It seemed like he was asking for my permission. The whole thing triggered some very bad feelings and stirred up some major trust issues that I've been working on since breaking up with my ex several months ago. I became physically agitated and upset and told him I needed to leave. He actually blocked my way and begged me to stay...telling me how important I am to him and how badly he wants things to work. He was visibly upset. But all I wanted to do was run away...fast! I told him I needed to go home and have some time to think. I explained that I spent years in a relationship where I was accused of being untrusting and suspicious, but that my ex never did anything to demonstrate that he was trustworthy and, in fact, did a lot of things to make me NOT trust him. I also told him that I didn't like the person I was when I felt insecure and suspicious and that I NEVER want to be put in a position again where I am cast as the "bad guy". To me this is a huge red flag, and I've foolishly overlooked red flags in the past. A few years ago, I would have explained his behavior away, convincing myself that he was just worried about backing out on plans that he felt obligated to follow through with. Now, my gut instinct is to bolt. Am I overreacting? He was clearly upset that he might have driven me away. Should I give this guy another chance or should I trust my gut? I think his behavior is really bizarre. So confused!